Reflections for growth

 One of the assignments I disliked most when I was in school was reflections.  I think all my English teachers had us do reflections.  We would turn in a piece, and we would also have to turn in a reflection on our piece, and we would be graded on both.  Looking back, I'd have to thank my teachers, and apologize for the lackluster way in which I approached those reflections.

Reflection is a huge part of my life.  I'm a planner, planning helps me keep my life on track.  And for me, reflections are integral to my planning.  I give myself more space for each day, not because I need more space for tasks, but because I want to be able to reflect on each day.  Looking back at the day and writing about what went well (and what didn't) helps me stop and think about what is working (and what isn't).  Doing it daily means it's easy to directly connect my mood to the things that went on.

I also do monthly and yearly reflections.  Monthly reflections allow me those small 'bigger picture' moments.  I have a lot of tasks that I do on a monthly basis, so taking a moment to stop at the end of the month and evaluate the month helps me make sure that I'm staying on track and that the things I am doing are working for me.  If I need to make adjustments, a month is a great yardstick for whether the adjustments are beneficial or if I need to keep adjusting.

I'm in the midst of my end of year reflections right now.  I feel these are the big ones.  Since I do themed years, this is my time to look back and see how well I worked on that theme for the year.  My yearly reflections aren't judgemental, I don't think of it as succeeding or failing (even on years where I end up not being anywhere near where I thought I'd be at the end of the year), but more as a way to check in and see what the triumphs and struggles were.  Any struggles are examined as teaching moments...what can I learn from what went poorly and how can I support areas that I feel I am not well supported in.

And I think that's something really important to keep in mind when doing reflections.  It's not about beating yourself up...no matter how spectacularly you 'failed' at accomplishing your goals.  It's all about how to move forward.  It's all about growth and self-care and being honest with yourself.

When looking at places you don't feel great about, really be brave and explore why you feel the way you do.  Poke at what caused the issues.  It can feel overwhelming and it is easy to fall into a self-depreciation trap and only see the places we messed up...while ignoring all other factors.  But there is a lot to consider, and when you root out all the details you have a better idea of how to do things differently the next time.

Sometimes, we pick our goals poorly.  Maybe we thought we knew what we wanted, but as we explored it more it didn't really fit us well...but it was a goal so we stubbornly plodded along (but secretly resisted it and didn't ever have good motivation to work on it).  

Sometimes things completely out of our control derail our goals.  Maybe we got sick or injured, maybe our job situation changed, maybe our personal situation changed...and all of a sudden the resources we thought we'd have just aren't there.  These changes can be really hard to accept, but it's worse to continue to beat ourselves up for things that are out of our hands.

A common issue is that we bite off more than we can chew.  Especially if you are like me, and have a ton of things you are excited about, it's easy to set a bunch of goals for different areas of your life...and then realize you absolutely don't have time to do all of them justice.  When you're in the midst of it, it can be hard to see that if you picked a few less goals you would have been okay.  Especially when the individual things you were doing for each of your goals were simple, it can leave you feeling like you can't do anything.  This is one of those places where perspective really comes into play (it's also helpful sometimes to actually plot out all the stuff you need to do for all your goals in one place....tackling one goal that requires ten minutes a day is very different from trying to manage ten goals that take ten minutes a day)

It could also be that the method we chose to reach our goals wasn't a good fit to us.  We may feel very strongly about the goal, but we struggled to follow our plan.  Reflecting on the things that didn't stick can help us figure out why they didn't work, and we can come up with a new plan to try.

I also feel it's very important to recognize the things you did well, and not to just focus on what didn't go well.  It's really easy to get caught up in trying to 'fix' the things that you feel you failed at, but taking the time to reflect on the things that were good gives us that other perspective.  It shows us what works for us, and that gives us more tools to use for the things we want to work on.  Knowing your strengths is just as important as knowing your weaknesses!

This also includes recognizing those unexpected successes.  We often have things that we did that turned out surprisingly well.  Perhaps the tables were turned on you, but instead of dropping the ball you juggled everything and ended up being really pleased with yourself.  This is especially important to remember if the success was a small thing in the middle of a bigger mess.  If your day went horribly, but you rallied together and managed to do one thing extra well, you should recognize that!  I find that by looking for those small wins, I notice motivations I might have otherwise missed.  For me, when I'm feeling particularly bad, doing something small can turn my energy around, and the more little things I remember that I've done, the more options I have when I find myself in that place.

I think that too many people don't stop to think about how their life is going.  They just muddle through each day, as if it weren't connected to the days that had gone before, and I think they are just missing out on so much.  Growth is often impossible to see in the moment.  The only way to see growth is to compare where you are now with where you were before...that is all reflection is!  Looking back and seeing where you were, and then looking at the path that took you from there to here.

Reflection is such a great tool to use to help navigate your life.  It can remind you of the highs, of those fun, motivational, emotional and powerful moments.  It can also show you the places you are starting to wobble, allowing you to course correct before you crash.  And even if you hit a personal low, you can unravel the mess that you were in and see which threads you can cut to avoid ending up in that tangle again. 

Blended Holidays

 One of my favorite memes about the whole "Happy Holidays" tantrums points out just how many winter holidays there are, and it's sort of bizarre (to me at least) to get all in a ruffle because a stranger doesn't believe and celebrate the exact same way you do.  But that's another rant....

Instead, I want to talk about how to blend holiday traditions, whether you are wanting to honor different holidays in your own practice (especially for people who feel called to honor the holidays of their childhood or their recent ancestors), or whether you live in a household with people who practice a religion (or are of a culture) different to yours.

I pulled the term blended holidays from the old term blended family.  To my mind, it's a very fusion concept.  It really embraces the idea that you aren't just celebrating both (or all) of your traditions, but you are really working on weaving them into a cohesive union (just like you do when you join families together).

The very first step is absolutely communication.  You need to gather together the people who will be involved and talk about what holidays you want to honor and in what ways.  Part of this discussion will be really looking at what parts of the holiday are most important to the person who celebrates it, and what bits are mostly fluff and they don't mind if things are adjusted a bit.

Most holidays we celebrate have a lot of different ways you can personalize them.  Even commercialized 'social' holidays like the Santa side of Xmas (for this blog post, I'll be using Xmas to refer to the commercial and non-religious celebration of Santa, while Christmas will be reserved for Christians celebrating the birth of Jesus) can have many ways of showing up in your life.  Some people have very specific rituals of putting out cookies (maybe of a family recipe), or traditions of opening a present on Xmas eve.  It can even be little things like talking about when the decorations go up...and when they come down.

When you add religion into it, often things become more strict, as many religious holidays have certain ritual actions that are a part of honoring the holiday, whether that means reading the advent story, lighting the Menorah or lighting a Yule log.  Often these things need to take place on certain days, maybe even at certain times.  This is one place where things often get tricky, especially if there are conflicting times, or if some people prefer to sit out of religious observations that they aren't a part of (but maybe the person who is celebrating would like their 'family' to be there with them).

The important thing to remember is that this is a discussion and the end goal isn't to 'win' the conversation, but rather to find the best way to make everyone as happy as possible.  Often, if someone is reluctant to participate in an activity, they may not understand why their presence is important, and talking that out makes them more willing to participate.  Also, explaining what will be going on at different times helps people who may not be a part of a particular tradition know what to expect, which often makes them more comfortable being a part of it.

This also gives you the chance to explain if certain parts or activities are reserved for members of a particular faith or culture.  Again, talking it through helps people who aren't a part of it understand why it might not be appropriate for them to participate.  It also helps you explain what your needs are, if maybe you need to have some private time for an hour, or if you need them to go visit friends for an evening.  Or maybe, they can be present, but they shouldn't be directly involved at certain points.

Something to keep in mind, about blending holidays, is that it may end up being a progression.  The first year you attempt it, you may feel like you are just celebrating the different holidays all at the same time (or over the course of the holiday season), but they are still distinct and separate holidays.  And if that works for you, that's perfectly fine!  But if you want more blending, think about ways that the holidays overlap, ways in which there are similar practices that might be combined into a new practice.  Over time, you can continue to fiddle with these blendings until you find the ones that work just right for you and your household.

For example, one of my fond memories of Christmas when I was little (my parents are both holiday Christians, they believe, but really only do stuff for Christmas and Easter), was advent.  I loved the little story, opening up the little windows (we had a book with a corresponding reusable advent card, where each day had a little window to open).  But the story doesn't really fit my personal practice (and hubby/son are atheist, so no need for the traditional advent story here), and instead I've been turning to a Norse celebration of the 12 days of Yule, where different deities, beings and values are honored each day.  I could absolutely create my own personal Yule advent, where I collected stories for each of the days, and perhaps a token to add to a display, so each day I could read the story, then add my tokens to a growing display for the season.

And if you don't have other people you are needing to include in your 'discussions', you can still go through the same process, though I might journal it out.  Write down what you want to celebrate, and what the core parts of those celebrations are to you.  Look at ways to combine them or honor them side-by-side, whichever way calls out to you more.

No matter how you work on blending the holidays of your household or practice, it can be a really unique experience to weave together different strands of the celebrations that are important to you.  Not only do you end up with a personalized holiday season that fits you, you may find that the process of identifying what is important and working to create a good merging of different celebrations really helps you deepen your connection with the practices you are cultivating.

Thinking outside the gift box

 We live in an unprecedented time of consumerism, when the world is telling us we need to go big or go home.  We watch holiday movies where people give extravagant gifts to each other, from cars to piles of presents.  Social media builds up these insane expectations and people judge gifts without context.

We also live in a time where many people have all the things they need and often even most of what they want.  It's not uncommon to know someone (or multiple someones) who buys all the things they see that they like, which can make gift giving hard.  Or maybe you know someone who really doesn't have any hobbies (and you don't want to get them a 'useful' or work related gift).  Or someone who constantly complains about having too much stuff and how they don't want anything.

And this year, we add in shipping issues, where one of the things we take for granted in the modern age (being able to buy just about anything online and have it at our doorstep in days) might not be possible.  We are seeing things stuck 'in transit', shipping costs have gone up and many places are giving shipping estimates that are much longer than we are used to.

This has led a lot of people to be unrealistically concerned about holiday gift giving.  Which is sort of strange considering how long, in the history of gift giving, overnight shipping just hasn't been an option.  Of course there is always the (wonderful) option of buying local and supporting small businesses, but that still may leave you struggling to find things for those tricky people in your life.

 

We often get trapped 'in the box' so to speak, when it comes to gifting.  We think that gifts need to be things we have bought, stuff that is will last for years, things that can be wrapped and put under a tree or in a stocking.  And yet, that leaves out a whole realm of gifts that are often well received and might be more desired than another item that will sit on the shelf and collect dust.

Let's first talk about the elephant in the room.  Gift cards and money.  These are often seen as generic gifts, like the things you get people you don't know much about.  And they certainly can fit that bill, as money is useful for anyone!  Especially for people who are struggling (and aren't we all right now...), a little extra cash, or a gift card for somewhere we like to go, is just so useful.  Plus, many places give extras when you purchase a gift card, so your money can stretch just a bit more.  Honestly, I've never gotten a gift card that I was unhappy to receive.

Another gift that many people don't think of as a gift, or think of as a generic gift is food and drink.  But it's a great way to treat someone to something a little extra.  Think of a food or drink they like, and look for a fancy version of it.  Do they like cheese, maybe find a nice cheese sampler box, so they can try a variety of cheeses that you just can't find at the local grocery store.  Maybe get them some exotic coffee blends or chocolates from around the world.  If you want to go homemade, bake or cook their favorite dish for them, or share with them that coveted recipe that they always ask for.

Speaking of handcrafted, this is a great way to support small businesses.  This is especially great if you know they like a particular artist, but haven't gotten something of theirs yet.  Or maybe you know someone local who is making things for some extra money for the holidays.  You can help them out and get a nice gift in the process!  One of the best things about handcrafted things is they are unique.  

And, if you are the crafty type, you can make things yourself!  Some people scoff at handmade gifts, thinking they are cheap, but let me tell you, firstly crafting supplies are not cheap, and even if you do start with cheap items, making stuff by hand is a labor of love.  It always takes longer than you think it will, and normally ends up having some kind of issue along the way you have to figure out.  But it's also super fun and you can literally make things specifically for the person you are crafting for.  Fair warning, if you are planning on crafting gifts, double the time you think you are going to need....you'll thank me later!

Time is also a great gift.  Time can be gifted in a lot of ways.  Maybe you spend extra time with someone (a wonderful way to gift any elderly people in your life who may not get out much, especially if they live in any kind of assisted living facility).  Also great for stay-at-home people, who might spend a lot of time alone in their daily life.  Or maybe you take your time to give them more time.  This might mean doing some housework to give someone some extra leisure time, or offering to watch the kids so they can have a date with their partner.  If you are going to a gathering, you can help organize or show up early to help set up (or stay late to help clean up), as a gift to the host.

Another neat thing to gift is experiences.  This might be giving someone a coupon for a spa day or a rock climbing adventure.  Some kind of activity they can go and do makes a unique gift that will give them memories to remember.  You could also make it a group activity, and go with them, so it becomes a shared memory!

And finally, if you have someone who is really trying to downsize their life, and who also is very community minded, making a donation to a charity in their name is a unique way to gift them.  Some companies also do a combo-gift, where you get a small token to remind you of your donation, but the bulk of the money goes towards the cause. 

Whoever you are gifting this holiday season (or whenever you need a gift), it's okay to think outside the box, to give something that may be less commercial and will definitely be more unique.  Think about the person you are gifting, think about what kinds of things they like, and what might make a good gift.  I think that is the most important thing of all...to ignore what you might want or any thoughts of how the gift might appear to other people, and just think about what the person receiving the gift wants.  That is the key.

Winter crafting

 As winter time approaches, we may find ourselves with more free time, as we are unable to do our favorite outdoor activities.  It is a time of year where many people spend more time inside, and often look for ways to fill the time.  Crafting is a great activity to pick up in the winter, whether you consider yourself a crafter or not.

First, I think we need to bust up some impressions of crafting.  The first one is that you don't need to be 'good' or 'artistic'...and yes both of those are in quotes because I really dislike how these types of valuations are thrown around.  Crafting is a wonderful hobby, and the great thing about hobbies is you don't have to have any kind of skill.  The important thing is that you enjoy the process.  It's very much about the experiences and not about making a thing that has value or improving or any of the other judgments we level on the rest of our lives.  In fact, I might say that is the value of a hobby, it is something we do purely for the fun of it, and we give ourselves permission to be bad at it but still love doing it anyways.

Also, crafting is for everyone, young or old, irregardless of gender.  I promise I'm not going to go on a rant about the ridiculous gendering of things (I could, I have some great rants saved up!), but really there is no craft that can't be done by anyone.  If you wanna sew, carve wood, bake, paint, sculpt, scrapbook or forge metal...go for it!  If someone tries to give you a hard time...craft harder out of spite!  (Or find people who are happy to support you and ignore the rest)

Now, back to the bit about not having to be good at it.  It really doesn't matter if you have any experience at all, or really any knowledge about a thing.  If it looks interesting, try it!  There are resources all over for anything you can imagine.  I have talked to a few people who taught themselves how to forge metal (watching videos online), and that's pretty impressive to me.  There are groups for about every hobby and craft you can imagine, where you can chat with people who are just as excited about the craft as you are.

It also doesn't have to be something you do alone!  Poke about and you might find that there are groups in your town that meet up and craft together.  Our library (which is always a great place to find out information about anything) often does crafting workshops, where you can go and try out a craft.  Many are free, and the ones that aren't have a low fee (to cover materials).

You can also throw a crafting night, invite some friends and make a party out of it.  Potluck snacks and drinks (so you don't have to do it all), and have fun making things together.  One of the great things about crafting is it often is something you do with your hands, so it leaves you free to chat and hang out while you do it.  I used to go with my mom to her quilting group, and that was pretty fun (speaking as the only teen who went, it was still fun to chat with the older ladies).

Winter crafting can also be a time of experimentation.  Just because you try a craft doesn't mean you have to do it forever.  Maybe you don't like it once you get into it.  That's fine, put it aside and try something else.  Or maybe you like it just fine, but you don't want to get further invested in it.  Play with it for a season and then, when the weather warms up and you get into other things, you can set it aside.  Maybe you come back to it next winter or maybe you try something else.

Crafting can also become part of your spiritual life.  Crafting as devotion is nothing new, and maybe you find a craft that is associated with one of the deities you work with, or that is part of your cultural heritage.  Learning the craft brings you closer to that part of your spiritual life.  

You could also craft things that directly enhance your spiritual practice.  Making tools is something that a lot of people enjoy doing, and there are many different crafting options that can be used.  I've made wands, smudge fans, statues, offering stones and more!  Maybe you have seen some of those amazing videos of people making fancy scrapbook style BOS and you want to try your hand at that.  

You can also craft things to give away.  With holidays coming up, many people don't have family to share the holidays with, and gifting handmade things to retirement homes, hospitals and the like can make a huge difference in someone's life.  If you are enjoying making food items, you can gift those to friends and family (you might be able to gift to other places, but you would want to check first if they can accept home-made food items).  

And, if you are someone who feels a little down, or stressed over the winter and with all of the holidays, crafting is a great mental pick up and way to unwind.  There is a real sense of accomplishment when you make something, especially when you figure out how to do something that you were struggling with.  Many crafts also include things that appeal to our senses.  Fiber arts, metal and wood working all involve our sense of touch.  Baking and cooking invoke our smell and taste.  Painting and drawing utilize color.  Learning an instrument or singing gives us sound.  Engaging our senses helps ground us and energize us at the same time!

So, whether you think of yourself as a crafty person, an artsy person....or just a person, winter crafting is a great activity to explore as the weather turns cold and the nights get longer.  Look around and you will find crafting inspiration everywhere.  Let yourself be curious and see what crafts call out to you.  You might just surprise yourself!

Focus on what is

 

We have this tendency to slip out of the now and either worry about what is coming or focus on what has been.  Especially around the holidays, I think we experience heightened nostalgia as well as a looming sense of concern for the future.  Sometimes we fall into the opposite trap, where we look at the past and only remember the horrible things or we paint the future in some kind of idealistic way (that is often unreasonable).

This can be a very dangerous thing, because too much focus, either good or bad on the past and/or the future drastically influences how we experience the now.  It flavors everything that happens in our lives and often ends up robbing us of being able to be fully present and actually experience what is going on.

When we look to the past and we think of the 'golden days', we are remembering an idealized past.  There hasn't been a time in the past that was magically perfect, and when we think of 'better times' often we are using very closed vision, looking at specific events or remembering certain parts of life...and completely refusing to see what else was going on at the time.

Fact twisting is a common thing, when delving into the past.  When we look back and we decide things were good by looking at a very small set of statistics, we not only set ourselves up for feeling dissatisfied in our current lives, but also we make these unrealistic expectations for the future (since it wasn't actually that way in the past, how could we possibly expect it to be that way in the future?)

Take marriage, for example.  I've heard many people talk about how 'in the olden days' marriages lasted and people didn't just get divorces willy nilly.  Which is statistically true, that divorce rates were very low.  But it's not because marriages in those days were good (of course there are exceptions, there are good marriages in all times, even from crazy starts), it was simply that there were no other options.  If a woman had no access to money, would be branded as some kind of moral and/or social outcast and literally had no place to go...she couldn't leave.  And if both partners needed to be in an altered state (remember that in other times many drugs were readily available) or seeking companionship outside of the marriage bed, or were miserable but stayed married because that was the only option...was that really better?  (Hint:  my answer is no).

When we cherry pick our history like this, we set up unreasonable standards for the present.  If you start with the standpoint that marriage is the golden standard, than you make anyone who has left a marriage (or who hasn't gotten married...or has no desire to get married) feel like they are a failure.  And that's not even dipping my toes into the pool of horror that is the way that we try to regulate who can get married (not just talking about the LGBT+ community, but if you aren't aware of the struggles of disabled people trying to keep their health care and income and get married....well let's just say it's pretty demeaning).

If we look to the past and we see only the worst, if we focus on how hard things were, how bad life was, we can rob ourselves of some really good memories.  Life isn't always just one thing or another.  It is entirely possible for a time to be both good an bad (and surprise, people can be both good and bad as well).  When we forget this, we may feel conflicted when we face the good parts of something we saw as bad, and we may start to feel that those good bits couldn't possibly be right, because it was a bad situation...right?

The danger with this way of thinking is that it seeps into other places, specifically how you feel about yourself and the people close to you.  If I fall prey to the mindset that things are either good or bad, and I recognize the bad habits or choices I've made...I might completely discount the good things because 'obviously' I'm a bad person.  We can also end up making harsh decisions about people in our life, because of previous bad experiences.  When someone does something nice or good, we may not be open to it, because we have already decided they are a bad person, so obviously they can't do anything good.

If we are focused on the future, and we expect everything to fall into ruin, it becomes very hard to stay invested in our daily life.  I mean if everything is going to turn out horrible, why bother?  If your job isn't going anywhere, why should you do more than the bare minimum to not get fired?  If your family is going to hate you, why try to mend those bridges?

Future fatalism is extremely dangerous because it causes us to create the very future we are worried about.  When we stop trying, we stop noticing opportunities.  We don't set ourselves up for success and we see everything as the precursor to something bad.

The funny thing is, seeing the future as impossibly bright sometimes has a similar effect.  If we believe, without any doubt, that the future is going to be amazing, we may not try as hard as we should.  Why should we push if things are going to turn out great no matter what?  It's like if you know you have a big paycheck coming in, you may not work those extra hours, even though you are trying to save up for a luxury purchase.  Your windfall is coming, you just have to wait and everything will be fine.

The thing is, nothing in the future is set in stone, and there is always room for change.  Maybe whatever it was that you were counting on doesn't happen.  Maybe some other thing comes up that changes your circumstances, and now the money that you thought you could spend on whatever you wanted is needed for something else.  

Worse, when we assume the future is going to be bright, we can turn our back on problems that are happening right now.  If we think 'change is coming,' then maybe we don't fight as hard as we should against the injustices that are happening now.  This is especially true if it's something that doesn't directly involve you, as I don't know about you, but as well intended as I might be, I'm much more likely to overlook issues that aren't smacking me in the face.

I think the biggest thing to remember, is that both the past and the future aren't 'real'.  Yes, the past happened, and the future is going to happen.  But the past is inherently flavored with opinion:  the opinions of the people who observed it and recorded it, the opinions of the people talking about it, the opinions of the people hearing about it.  And whatever influence the past might have had on leading you to the now....in the now it has no power over you.  

 

The present is a powerful thing, but all it's power is tied up in what is and what you choose to do with it.  Nothing that happened in the past can change the now...because it's already happened, all it's power is spent.  In this singular moment, all the power lies in your hands...in your ability to decide how you want to respond to what you are presented with.

And the future...well the future is just fantasy.  It is a dream of what we hope or fear will happen.  Dreams can't effect you unless you let them.  You can allow a dream to lead you astray or you can use your dreams to motivate you.  You can get caught up in your dreams and loose track of reality or you can enjoy your dreams and then do what is needed in this moment.

One of the joys of focusing on what is....is that now is both eternal and already changing.  Each fleeting second is gone in the time it takes you to notice it.  If you keep focusing on now, you don't have to worry about the past or the future, because now is keeping you busy.  

Yes, I think there is a time and a place for both the past and the future.  We need to learn about our past, in a way that is balanced and with perspective.  And we need to look to the future so that we can plot a course to aim for.  What we need to avoid is loosing sight of the present.  Because when we forget about now, we loose all our power.

Appreciating food

 Thanksgiving is a tricky time for a lot of people.  Firstly, family can be tricky, and even if you have a good relationship with most of your family, gathering them all together in one place can be a lot.  If you don't have a good family dynamic, you may be looking at a horrible family event, or missing out entirely (and wishing you had the kind of family that is often shown on tv).  And that's not even mentioning any issues with the holiday itself!

But underneath all the drama, I feel that the heart of Thanksgiving is about giving thanks.  And because it's a feast-based holiday where the food isn't just trappings added on at the end, it is a time where we can give appreciation for the food we have.

Food is another thing that is tricky for a lot of people.  Many people have food restrictions, that find their roots in medical, religious or monetary issues.  We may love foods that are unhealthy for us, or struggle with eating in some other way.  We might harbor guilt for having so many foods at our fingertips knowing that people in other areas of the world have so very little.  We may be envious of people who have more than we do.

Food is such a basic necessity, and yet it is also something that many people take for granted (especially if you have never had any issues with it).  It is ever present in our modern world.  We may complain about having 'nothing to eat' but still have a cupboard full of staples.  We may miss eating out when we still have access to frozen means or delivery.  We watch shows that show food in many forms, and in fact  have entire channels dedicated to food!

I am one of those lucky people who hasn't ever had to worry about starvation.  Like many people, there have been lean times, and I try very hard to not be wasteful with my food (for a variety of reasons, but one of them is absolutely the recognition of the fact that there are people in this world who would love any food that I might carelessly toss away).  I also have some food issues, I very much enjoy foods that aren't good for me and I have quite a bit of food anxiety (especially in regards to improperly prepared food, food spoilage or cross-contamination).

But on the whole, I recognize my food privilege and try hard to appreciate all the blessings I have, when it comes to food.  And for me, that starts with being more mindful of the foods we buy and eat.  One thing I think sometimes gets forgotten is that mindfulness doesn't always mean avoiding convenience foods or going super green.  I'm definitely not shopping in the all organic section or avoiding processed foods.

What it means, for me at least, is paying attention to what I am buying.  Being aware of both the healthiness of food and it's crave factor (and knowing which foods I'm likely to binge eat).  It's balancing cost and taste (obviously we try to shop in our budget, but we aren't at a place where everything needs to be the cheapest).  

Part of my personal food journey is thinking about my eating habits in a bigger picture sense.  I'm often home alone for breakfast and lunch, and I know I'm a grazer so I typically get hungry after dinner and before bed.  Which means I need to plan for all of that.  I also know that I'm a pretty basic eater in some ways (having the same food every day for breakfast is not a big deal, and often I prefer it as it means I don't have to decide what I want to eat).  

Food appreciation intersects with self care when I think about lunch foods.  There are lots of great, cheap options, but there are also some really appealing choices that aren't so bad when you price compare to, for example, grabbing a meal from a fast food place.  Part of my self-care and self-worth work is finding things that are slightly more pricey and reminding myself that I don't have to always pick the cheapest food.

Eating out is another place where food appreciation can be overlooked.  Eating out is often both convenient and sometimes can be cost effective.  It's one of those things that sneaks up on you, but sometimes when we plan meals at home, they end up costing us more than if we went out to eat.  On the other hand, fast food is often deceptive, and there are quite a few great sit-down places by us where we can eat as cheap (or sometimes cheaper) than if we grab vast food (and often I'll get two meals out of a sit-down meal, as I'll take leftovers home).

There's nothing innately wrong with either out, either at a fast food place or a sit down place.  But I think it's easier to take that food for granted as it's convenient.  With all the changes lately in how food places are managing to stay open (or not, as many places have either had to shut down completely or drastically change how they operate), many people are coming face to face with just how much they took for granted these places being at their disposal.

In some ways, Thanksgiving reminds me a little of Valentines day.  Both are 'once a year' holidays to recognize things we should be doing every day.  Just as we shouldn't wait until Valentine's day to tell the people we love that we love them, we shouldn't wait until Thanksgiving day to give thanks for our food.

Whether you want to incorporate some kind of mealtime prayer or gratitude, acknowledge your blessings as you do grocery shopping or simply take a moment as you prepare food (or order it, if you are going out) to recognize the bounty you have, expressing our gratitude helps us appreciate the food we consume more.  And having a solid appreciation for the foods we eat can help us maintain a healthy relationship with food...and ourselves.

Seasonal practice

Many Pagans and witches still use the Wheel of the Year as some part of their practice, even if it isn't the core of their work.  We honor the cycle of nature, and there are natural points in the year that we celebrate as part of the turning of the seasons.

But often our regular practice remains the same throughout the year.  Some small things may change (like we may be less inclined to take long walks in the winter or the summer), but especially if you are an 'indoor' Pagan, like me, your daily practice might not take into account the seasons.  

This mindset stems from our modern mastery over the natural world...in the sense that virtually nothing else in our daily life changes depending on the season, so why should your spiritual life?  And yet, even if you spend the bulk of your days inside, the flux in the world seeps in.

One of the most basic ways in which the world effects us is the amount of daylight per day, and when those daylight hours are.  Our brains react differently to sunlight than to moonlight (or artificial light), and this is one of the reasons we are drawn to be more active (and often to be outdoors) more in the summer, when the light is at it's height.  On the flip side of the wheel, in winter we may find ourselves more likely to cuddle up with a blanket and a story (whether that means a book or a show).

Learning to embrace these seasonal tides can help us work with our own natural cycles.  Even though there are general tendencies, we each have our own unique nature, and so we may find that we get personally invigorated in the fall and in the spring we find ourselves more lethargic.  Taking note of what you are drawn to...as well as what you resist, helps you develop a cyclical practice that works for you!

One of the benefits of having a cyclical practice is that you can include more things without overwhelming yourself...and without spreading yourself too thin.  Most people find they get the best benefits from sticking with a practice, doing it on a regular basis.  But we only have so much time in any given day (and we have many responsibilities!), so you may only have time to do one or two spiritual practices every day.

If you have a lot of interests, this can leave you feeling like you can't focus in on any one of them as much as you would like.  If you have ten different things you are wanting to work with, and you do one every day, that's a week and a half before you do the same thing again...much too long to retain much of what you did the previous time.  By splitting your time by seasons, and working with different things in each season, you can work with things for a block of time, and then work with something that suits you better in the next season.  It allows you to not only stick with something but also change it up and keep things fresh.

And these don't have to be all or nothing swaps either.  You might do divination all year, but really dive deep in the winter months.  So in winter, you might do weekly or even daily spreads, bust out your books or study your decks, while the rest of the year you might stick to a monthly reading.  Or, you may want to work with several divination methods, and you find that you get more understanding from your tarot cards in the spring but from runes in the fall.

Some practices naturally fall into certain parts of the year.  If you like wildcrafting, you work with things when they are in season.  Spring and fall become busy times, while winter might be a time of playing with new recipes and combinations.  

There are also mundane considerations to think about.  If you have young kids, summer might be a very busy time for you, as the kids are home and needing more attention.  You might need to pare your practice back, and then in fall, when school starts up again, you might feel the call to really dive back in full tilt.  Fall might be your deep study time, where you do a lot of reading and research, so you have plenty of new ideas to mull over during the rest of the year.

For me personally, Halloween marks the start of what I call holiday season.  From Halloween through New Year is just super busy.  There are not only family holidays, but I do NaNo (which demands a lot of both time and brain focus).  There are gifts to plan and acquire, meals to organize and cook, gatherings to attend...it just feels like I'm moving non-stop through the last months of the year.

And yet....I also am motivated by that movement.  I often get my big ideas for the next year during this almost frantic time.  I write myself notes and make plans.  It's a time of big transition for me, and I'm working on making my new planner, figuring out what my focus is going to be for the coming year, reflecting on the past year.  

When the New Year actually rolls around, I feel like I need a break.  I tend to spend January doing the bare minimum.  I'd like to say I hit the ground running, but I tend to start each year with a rest time, focusing on recovering from the crazy end of the previous year.  Even though I often have big spiritual plans for the year, I start soft, I kind of let the dust settle and then ease into things.

Developing a seasonal rhythm to your practice isn't something you need to set in stone either!  You can try things out, and see what works...and what doesn't.  A season is only three months (or one and a half if you want to break it down by Sabbats), and if something really isn't sitting well with you, you don't even have to finish out the season....especially if you are finding you just can't keep up with a practice, or if you find you are really craving something that you aren't doing.

When you notice things like this...write them down!  If you are finding a practice isn't working for you, spend a bit of time thinking about why it's not working, and consider if another time might work better.  Make a note to revisit it then.  If instead you are missing something you aren't doing, that's great!  Remember what time made you crave that practice and plan on doing it more at that time of the year.

The more you work with feeling out what practices fit best at different times of the year, the more you will create a unique, and seasonal, practice that fits your life.  And you may find that you get to do more, and things just flow better...because you are doing them in their best time.

Honoring non-combat Veterans

 On the surface, Vetaran's day isn't technically a Pagan holiday.  And yet, many of us owe great portions of our daily life (and freedoms) to the soldiers who dedicated part of their life to the defense of the country we live in...whether or not they actually fought in a war.

I'm not, by any means, belittling the hardships and sacrifices made by soldiers who have taken part in combat, simply voicing a reminder that joining the military is a relinquishment of a lot of the freedoms we take for granted, often freedoms we have these same soldiers (or ones like them in other times) to thank for.

I grew up in a military family, and while I was only a child, I saw some of the sacrifices made in everyday life for a soldier.  The military decided where we lived, and for how long.  It decided when my father would travel away from home.  

I have known people in the military my whole life, and they often are required to live by certain standards that most adults don't have to consider.  They are expected to look a certain way, act a certain way, and often these strictures extend beyond their 'working' hours...as the whole time you are part of the military you are considered a representative of your country, so you can't do some of the dumb things the rest of us have the freedom to choose to do.

And while they do get days off and vacation time, those things can be recalled at any time, if it is deemed necessary.  In a fairly real sense, by joining the military you have signed away those years of your life, dedicating yourself to the greater good and to doing what is needed for your country.

It always makes me both sad and mad when I see people make light of military who haven't seen combat.  Of course combat veterans and military folks are dealing with stuff most of us can never truly (hopefully) understand.  But simply being in the military means living with the idea, every day, that you could be in those situations.

When we honor Veterans (and members of the military), we should honor all of them, regardless of whether they have seen combat or not.  We should recognize the sacrifices of personal freedoms they have made, in order to better protect and serve the people of their homeland.

As a Pagan, I feel very deeply that my life is made better because of the people who serve in the military.  I hope that we can find peaceful solutions, but I am grateful that we have men and women who are willing to step up when that isn't the case.  I also trust that when disasters happen, the military is often called in to help with rescues and cleanup.  

I don't think of it as a debt owed, in the traditional sense, but I do feel like I need to acknowledge how my life has been impacted by the people who serve my country.  For me, this means saying prayers for our military, so that they can find peaceful solutions, so they can come home safely (and so the military of other countries can also come home safely).  It means sending energy and blessings to our soldiers, many of whom are young and away from home for the first time (or not able to be home with their families as much as other people). 

Though I will never be military myself, the one thing I can do is support our military folks.  Whether I agree with the decisions politicians are making or not.  Whether we are in a war I approve of or not.  The men and women who are putting themselves out there, whether they are in an active conflict situation or not, deserve my respect and gratitude.

It is very easy to transfer our opinions about our government and about war in general to the people who are doing the fighting, but I feel it is important to remember that most of them don't have a choice about what they are doing.  Yes, they chose to join (though in many cases, it wasn't a choice at all), but once they are in, choices are gone, and they are left with following orders. 

So regardless of I feel about the greater issues at hand, no matter what other magical work I may be doing to change the system...I feel it is vital to remember that the actual soldiers, the people who are in those unenviable positions of serving their country.  And I will continue to treat all of them with the respect they are due, and to hold gratitude in my heart for their sacrifices.

Daytime versus Nighttime

 With daylight savings time just around the corner, it's time to once more look at...well time!  The purpose of daylight savings time was to create more 'usable' time during the daylight hours, so that businesses would be open and people would go about their daily routine when it was light out, trying to make the most of those precious hours of daylight in the winter.

One of the obvious advantages of doing things in the daylight is that you can see (without using artificial light).  We now know that the exposure to actual sunlight has a physiological effect not only on how people sleep but on their mood in general as well.  

Many people find that being on a night schedule is exhausting (and of course it is inconvenient...trying to run all your errands on a nigh shift schedule is near impossible), and even if they tend to be night owls and naturally stay up later at night, not going to sleep until after the sun has risen can be difficult.

A lot of people believe that waking up early is somehow better than sleeping later and staying up later (and I'm talking about when you can schedule your day however you like).  Almost every productivity schedule has an early rise time.  And if someone needs to stretch their day to add in workout time or meditation, it's rarely suggested that you stay up later to make more time, you are always expected to wake up earlier.

Now, speaking as someone who isn't a morning person, at all, that always struck me as somewhat odd.  I understand why, if you need to be at work by 8, then sleeping until 9 is a problem, but I never understood why it was an issue if you weren't bound by such a schedule.

And I think that part of it is our association with day time, the sun and the external world.  If we consider the sun and moon as the ruling heavenly bodies of their respective times, the sun is out outward facing selves and the moon is the inward facing self.  The sun is how we interact with others, the going out and doing, while the moon is our inner world, the sitting and thinking and dreaming.

So it sort of makes sense that we lump 'work' and active times with the day and sleep with the night.  But it might be worth considering what kind of work you want to do.  I definitely find that some things come easier at night, and some things I prefer to do during the day.

I read an interesting correlation between electric lights and candle light, how when the electric lights are on, we talk about the outer world, but when we are light by candle (or fire) light, we focus on dreams and spiritual matters.  I think this lines up quite well with the sun and moon energies.

If I have a lot of stuff to get done in a day, I would much rather sort out the outside stuff first.  I may not even be fully awake, but if we have errands to run, I'd rather do them early and have the rest of the day to enjoy, than take my time waking up and piddling around the house, then have to go and get everything sorted.

And while I can get more done during the day, I often get great ideas at night (especially after I'm 'done' with my stuff for the day).  The evenings are my time to just unwind and do whatever, and I often feel like my brain is just done for the day, and yet if I engage in a creative practice (with no expectation of 'producing' stuff, just focusing on the process) I make leaps I might not make at other times.  The best time for me to think about new ideas is right before bed (though that does make it sometimes hard to remember the ideas!)

Our brains work in different ways, so some people might find that fresh energy in the morning, when they first wake up and soak in the sun, is what vitalizes their mind and body.  They may be someone who can get a million things done in the morning, and when they harness that drive their life moves smoother.  For them, waking up later might throw their entire day off, and they might feel like they are playing catch up the rest of the day, like they are always behind.

Others may be more like me, and when I have to get up early, almost irregardless of what time I went to bed and how much sleep I get, I'm groggy and tired and I just can't think straight.  But on the flip side of the day, even if I was up since the crack of dawn and yawned my way through the day, once the sun sets, it's like my batteries recharge and my mind wakes up.

Whichever way you seem to lean, it's worth paying attention to how you feel and what you excel at in the day and night times.  Find ways to structure your day to make the most of how you personally react to the times of day, and try swapping things around whenever you can until you find the way that works best for you. 

Totem and talisman stones

 Painting stones has become quite a trend, and you can find all kinds of tutorials online (and sometimes even workshops at places like your local library) that will guide you through the process of creating them.  And while many people create these as pure art, we can infuse such stones with intent and make them as talismans or totems, tools we can later return to for spiritual work.

Creating something by hand is always a labor of love, and the process of finding the right art and the right way to lay it onto a stone invests that stone with energy.  We often learn details about our subject as we study pictures for inspiration that we didn't know, and paying attention to these details helps us gain a greater appreciation for the subject as well.

Now, before we get any further, this is a project that doesn't require any artistic ability!  Because you are using your intention to create a stone dedicated to something you want to work with, you can make the simplest picture and have it hold the spirit of the thing you are painting.  Think about some of the early cave drawings, that are little more than stick figures, and yet clearly display whole scenes and emotions!

The first thing you will want to decide is what the purpose of your stone will be.  There are so many applications for this process, but a few ideas are:  an animal you wish to work more with, a plant who's energy you want in your home, an event you want to commemorate, a protective symbol, a blessing.  Really, you can turn any spell or working into art to be put on a stone, and once you do that stone becomes a holder for the energy of the spell, to be tapped into whenever you like.

 

You also don't have to stick to stones!  There are lots of other mediums you can use, for example clay or salt dough, to create your 'stones'.  You can mold forms out of the clay, like I did here with this cat and wolf head, or you can roll them out like cookies and carve symbols into them.

Of course, if you want to add more details you can, you can even fully paint the forms after they are hard, but simple suggested shapes work well too.

 

Wolf and cat have always been powerful figures in my life, and these two in particular are also associated to deities for me (wolf and Odin, cat and Freyja), so they have a double representation on my altar space.  I can use them as touchstones when I want to connect to their animal energies, or as a sort of go-between when working with their deity.

On the more symbolic side, you can create talisman stones that represent more abstract energies.  The stone with the circle and dot was created as part of a community project, a linking symbol for everyone to work with, while the sigil on the flattened bottle cap was one I made as part of a tarot journey I took part in.

Both of these are ways for me to tangibly connect to a project (and to the group associated with the project), and when I want to work with those projects I can pull out my stones to assist.

This stone is my Memorial day stone, and features poppies (the red for veterans who died for their country, the white for non-combatants who died and the purple for animals).

I created this stone as a way to honor and remember the many people who have died, so that I could put it on my altar and be mindful of all the lives lost in conflict.  I use it as a way to keep their sacrifice in mind, and to reflect on how I have benefited from their loss.

These are eclipse stones I made during a solar eclipse.  I painted the stones ahead of time, and then took them out to charge as the sky darkened overhead. 

I see these as a container for the energy of that event, a way to tap into that eclipse energy and all the magic it holds.  They remind me of that time, and stones like these can be made at gatherings or other events, as a way to tap into the energy that was present at that time, or to connect to the people you were with.

The great thing about creating stones (or other non-stone objects) like these is that you can put them on altars, around your house, at the edges of your property, or wherever you want to call upon the energy they represent.  You can use them as touchstones for meditations, journaling or other internal work.  You can create them as a way to deepen your connection to their subject.  You can infuse them with a spell and give them as gifts.  The possibilities are endless!

Spiritual Roleplaying

 Roleplaying is something that has been a part of my life since childhood..back when it was 'playing pretend.'  I've always loved the idea of being someone different, of stepping into a world that is not my own, and of seeing where the story takes me.

I also feel that roleplaying often gets a bad reputation.  It's fine for kids, or it's okay as a hobby, but that's all it is:  a game (often for younger people that you are expected to grow out of).   And yet, roleplaying has so many benefits, and can be adapted to so many different areas of your life...and spirituality is definitely one of them!

Now, I know there is a bit of a stigma with crossing roleplaying with spirituality, especially as many people who don't understand Paganism or witchcraft assume we are all 'playing pretend.'  But at some point, we have to stop letting ignorant people dictate how we practice, especially when many of those people who are going to be extremely judgmental aren't going to listen with an open mind to what we actually do, they are just going to believe their own preconceived notions of our practice....so what we do is really up to us!

I also don't think that using tools like roleplaying makes someone more susceptible to loosing touch with reality, even when it overlaps with other areas of your life.  I get just as drawn into stories in books, tv and movies, and I have never had a problem knowing the difference between my actual life and any story-life I may be imagining (even when I use the story-life to explore things that I'm struggling with in my actual life...more on that in a bit).

It may surprise many people to realize that some of what we already do, especially with guided meditation, is a very basic form of roleplaying.  When we work with a guided meditation, especially one that has us interacting with things or having choices that lead to different visualized actions, we are engaging in rules-light roleplaying!

Now, for everyone who isn't familiar with tabletop roleplaying games (the ones with rules and dice, like Dungeons and Dragons), roleplaying games come in all levels of rules, from very light (where everything is story driven....much like visualization), to rule heavy (where every action you take has rules and parameters that determine how well you perform said action).  And all levels of roleplaying can be used spiritually, with a little bit of forethought.

We'll start with the very rule light versions, which as I mentioned are basically visualization.  The great thing about this style of roleplaying is it requires very little preparation or supplies.  You often are playing the 'role' of yourself, so you don't even have to think about how to act, you just do what you would do in a given situation.

The power of these types of visualizations is that you can give yourself different scenarios and practice what you might do in different circumstances.  This is great work to do alongside traditional spellwork, like if you are wanting to get a new job, you can do a spell to find a great new job, but you can also roleplay out (through visualization) callbacks, your job interviews and even your first day at the new job!  Using roleplay like this helps you calm any worries or anxiety you might have (especially if you get social anxiety), because you can practice the different things you need to do, and prepare for unlikely situations (like the interviewer asking you questions that throw you off).  By practicing through roleplaying, you become more confident and this will show through when you actually get that phone call or go in for the interview. 

And that leads us to the next version of roleplaying, where you are actually tweaking your own role a bit.  I think of this as Me+, in that I'm mostly being myself....just with qualities I wish I had more of.  So, if I am nervous and insecure about doing tarot readings for other people, I can think of the readings as roleplaying sessions, but instead of being myself when I do readings for other people, I am "Me, the professional tarot reader!"  You can also create a whole persona for yourself, like a new character, that is who you want to be as a tarot reader, and that becomes the character you play whenever you do readings.

It's almost like a mind hack.  By taking on a character, you can step outside of your insecurities and become someone who is skilled and confident at the task you are trying to accomplish.  You can use this for any thing you need to do, whether it is taking a leading role in a ritual or helping babysit your cousins.  

One nice little trick for this is to really think about who the character is you are going to be, and find something you can wear (clothing, jewelry, makeup) that will help you anchor that character.  You might have a particular ring that you wear as a tarot professional, or a shirt that the great babysitter wears.  Reserving those items for times when you are taking on the role of that character helps you stay in character and makes it easier for you to remember to embody them.  

Now the next step, in adding more rules to your roleplay, is to actually work with statistics and rules for success.  Now before I get into this, I need to talk a little bit about gamification.  Gamification is simply turning non-game activities into a game of sorts.  One of the reasons why people enjoy playing games so much is they get direct feedback and rewards for doing actions (often actions that might not be so fun on their own).

If you think about a video game, maybe you need to chop some trees down for wood.  If the entire game was just clicking on a tree enough times to get wood....and nothing more....most people wouldn't play the game, as it's not fun.  But, if you gather enough wood and now you can build a sword or a house or turn it in to a shopkeeper for some gold, now it is motivation.  It's no longer about chopping the wood, it's about the prize at the end.

We all have tasks in our lives that aren't so fun, but are necessary.  And sometimes, these necessary tasks don't really have good rewards.  Some do, like having a traditional job, where you put in the hours, do the work, and you get a paycheck.  Others have inverse rewards, like eating healthy.  For many people, eating healthy isn't the most fun (because unhealthy foods are tasty!), and the 'reward' is that you don't get sick....which isn't very tangible.  These are the kinds of things that can benefit from gamification, from adding in some light rules and creating rewards!

This might sound like pretty much every motivational system out there, and it basically is, but for many people that extra window dressing of making it feel like a game creates motivation to stick with it.  I worked with an exercise program that gamified working out, where you had some pretty basic exercises, but they were described in terms of a survival game, so instead of 'jogging for X minutes', you were traveling to the next town.  

One of the easiest ways to gamify your life is to dress things up in different terms.  Instead of drinking my morning coffee, I am brewing a potion to help revive me to life!  This can be a fun way to think about basic self-care actions, so if you struggle to drink enough water in a day, assign a value to each glass of water, and some way of rewarding yourself for meeting your daily minimums.  One neat way I've seen to do this to turn it into a battle, where you create a monster to fight, and each week it regains a certain number of hit points...in order to keep it at bay, you need to do your tasks to do damage to it.  Remember, rewards are key, so while tracking the damage can be a mini-reward, also find something to reward yourself for defeating enough monsters in a month!

Using gamification or roleplaying can also enhance your study.  I read something recently that talked about how repeating a skill during game play helped you learn it in less time (less repetitions) as compared to traditional learning.  I think that when we engage our imagination, when we create these alternative worlds and characters, we are using both sides of our brain, and it is memorable, which is why it's easier to learn.

So how can you use that to help you study?  I know that memorization is hard for a lot of people, and things like learning the meanings of runes (and remembering which rune goes with which meaning) can be really hard.  But you could build a game around the runes, where you use the rune meaning to create some kind of spell (Isa could freeze things or Kenaz to create light), and then create a world for yourself too explore, but in order to use your spells, you need to draw the right rune (and you can totally have your notes with you!).  It may sound a bit silly, but as you use your 'spells' over and over, you will start to remember what the symbols are.  And you can start getting more creative as you get more familiar with the basics, so to start you might use Fehu to tell you how much something is worth, but later on you might expand your understanding and realize you can also use it to change something's worth.

The important thing is that you have fun with it!  Roleplaying and gamification are all about having a good time, the goal isn't always obvious, and often the journey is worth more than the destination.  Try things out, see what works for you, and when you find something you enjoy...run with it!

Not all shadows are dark!

 Shadow work is a big part of a lot of people's practices, and I feel like it is often something that is somewhat misunderstood.  Some people think of shadow work as getting rid of the negative traits or aspects, while others see it as learning to accept and work with those less desirable bits of yourself.  Some people think of it as harnessing the monster inside, or even chaining it up so it is 'harmless'.

But what is our shadow?  The shadow self is a concept that was developed by Carl Jung, and he saw it as the hidden parts of our being.  It's the side of ourselves that we don't let let out in public.  Jung believed that the shadow needed to be expressed, so we could live our lives fully.

A lot of our ideas of what our shadow is are formed by societal pressure.  We are raised to believe that people should act a certain way in public (and also in private, though often more is allowable in private), and the things that aren't considered proper are things that form our shadow.  In many ways, the shadow is everything that doesn't fit the idea of perfection, and many people would have you believe that letting your shadow manifest at all is a bad thing.

But here's the twist....things that we tend to associate with the shadow are often highly situational!  Most people would agree that falling into a rage and lashing out physically isn't a good thing, but there are situations where that would be an appropriate response.  

I do think that many people come to this conclusion by doing shadow work.  When they really tune into those shadowy aspects of themselves, they see that these things aren't always bad, they just may not be coming out at the right times.

What I think many people fail to notice is that traits we often assume are good can be shadow traits too....when they come out at the wrong times.  The one that immediately comes to mind is that of  a helicopter parent.  Most people would agree that protecting your children and being involved in their lives is a good thing, but in the helicopter parent they are overly invested and they end up smothering their child.  It is a good trait that has been taken to a shadowy place.

Now, many people are aware of some of these traits that may be out of balance in themselves, but we don't tend to call it shadow work.  The most frequent term I've heard for working through some of these things is doing self-care.  We often see these unbalanced positive traits as areas in which we need to set boundaries and perform self-care.  When we know we like to help others, but we can spread ourselves too thin trying to help everyone, we see that as a self-care practice, not a shadow practice.

I actually think shadow work is self-care, and vice versa.  But separating it into this idea of dealing with the good and dealing with the bad creates a line in qualities that can be harmful.  We tend to think more favorably about people who say they struggle with self-care when compared to those who say they struggle with shadow work.  And yet both can be devastating, both to themselves and to those around them.  The world at large is harmed by both types of people, and working on both is really the ultimate goal.

One of the reasons why it's helpful to think of the two practices (shadow work and self-care) as being two sides of the same coin is that many behaviors can be thought of as paired...and too much on either end is problematic.  If we think of laziness as a shadow quality, the other end of that would be activity, which seems good, but if you are constantly needing to be doing something, every minute of every day, that leads to burnout (and often indicates that you are trying to avoid something or that you only feel 'worthy' if you are doing something...both qualities that are troublesome).  If we look at this as a slider between rest and activity, and not just that but as a slider that is constantly moving depending on what is going on around us, we start to see a healthier way to interact with these parts of ourselves.

The trap is that we often think of self-care as a purely physical practice.  It's typically a reactionary thing, we work on self-care when we feel the effects of issues in our lives.  Sometimes we do self-care as a precautionary thing, almost like spiritual vitamins, things we do because we know that we are going too be depleted (or just as part of our regular regimen, to keep us from spiraling).

The issue with this is that self-care often addresses the result, not the root.  It's the shadow work that really delves into what got us to the point we needed to take reactive self-care...or what is going to bring us back to that place in the future.  

Both practices are necessary!  We need to do the shadow work to see what is going on, and how we need to adjust, but we also need the self-care to actually start shifting that slider so we are in a more healthy space (and to keep it nicely lubricated so it can adjust as life throws things at us).  But when we start delving into the shadows, we need to remember to look for the places where the light is shining too bright as well, or we will find that we have places where we stay off-balance and can never get to that flexible equilibrium that we need to be whole.

Visiting death

 One of the themes of this time of year is the journey to the underworld.  And while this is a very thematic time to work with this practice, it is also something we can do at any time throughout the year.  This sort of visit with death can serve multiple purposes, whether we want to seek out someone who has crossed over or just to face some of our own fears and issues with death.  It can be a moving, if somewhat scary, experience, and many people are intimidated by what they might find on the other side.

But that's kind of the whole point.  You can face those fears in small doses, taking little trips and short visits with death, taking on only as much as you can handle in the moment.  Each time you visit, you may see a bit more, or experience something new, and over time you will realize that your relationship with death itself has changed.

We live in a society that teaches us to fear death and all that is associated with it.  We don't talk about death, dying or the dead, and it is such a taboo topic that we often shy away from even thinking about it.  But death is a part of life, and we will be faced with it, in various ways, throughout our lives.  Having a good relationship with death will help you retain your footing when are faced with it, whether it is your own mortality you are seeing or the death of someone you care about.

The current global situation has shown a lot about how divided we are on our thoughts on death.  Some people are doing their best to completely avoid all thoughts of it, firmly retreating to the 'it won't happen to me' camp, while others are struggling to recover after having someone near to them battle death (whether they survived or didn't, the fight is always traumatic).

One of the sort of strange things about the way we approach death as a society is that we spend so much time and energy avoiding all talk of it that people get very uncomfortable when any reference to death comes up.  Even something as simple as how meat makes it to the grocery store can create an emotional reaction in people, which is often why they want their food to be unrecognizable in it's original form (they are okay eating fish or chicken, but only if it doesn't look like a fish or a chicken).  It's why some foods are named the way they are (like veal and lamb).

When it comes to people, we try to separate ourselves from the dead as much as possible.  We are supremely uncomfortable around the dead, and we often flounder when someone we know crosses that boundary from alive to dead.  

This is all further complicated by the fact that we can't say, with any certainty, what happens after death.  Every religion has their own explanation of the afterlife, whether it is an actual afterlife or more of a return to the source.  Even atheists often have very firm ideas of what happens to you after you die.  But knowing what you believe and having experience with those beliefs are two separate things.

There are many different levels of experiences we can have, when visiting death.  We may find we are more comfortable with some methods of visiting than others, and we may find we want to linger during some visits but not others.  It's always a good idea to start small and trust your instincts.

Now, it is my personal belief that the lands of death are for the dead and as a living person there isn't really any risk of me getting stuck or trapped when visiting, but it may still be useful to have some kind of tether, much like one might have when taking an astral journey, to help you return to your body whenever you feel the desire to do so.  I really find physical touchstones to be very useful, and in this case, I would probably think of the tether more as a gateway, as an object to help me travel to where I wanted to go (and get back again).

This object can be anything, it could be a rock with a symbol or picture related to death on one side and life on the other.  It might be a key with charms dangling off of it.  I could be a coin (like the one used to pay the ferryman).  Pick an object that you associate with death or with passing over, and dedicate it to your practice of visiting death.  You may find it useful to build a ritual for using your object, both at the start and end of each visit, much like you would cast a circle and then take the circle down (and you can absolutely also cast a circle for your visits!).

If you feel more comfortable with a partner to help keep you tethered, that is also an option.  This would be like having someone present for a guided meditation, and in fact you could use that method to facilitate your visits, either giving the other person a script to read (with pauses at appropriate places), or just loose instructions that they can improvise around (if they are comfortable doing so).

You can also use a more mundane and technological method to trigger the end of a visit.  If you want to set up some kind of timer or alarm, and make that your reminder to return.  This is a pretty common tool for longer meditations, and it can help you sink deeper into the work, because you know that you will be called out when your designated time has passed (and your brain won't constantly be trying to figure out how much time has passed).

So, what do you actually do during these visits?  Well, that is sort of up to you, and what you feel you need to explore.  It can be helpful to take some time before you visit, to consider what you might want to do during a visit.  You may want to use your favored divination tool to ask for suggestions, or journal out some questions you have and how you might look into answering them.

You can also think about people and places (or events) that could help you explore different aspects of death.  By visiting people, you can ask them about their deaths, or how they feel, looking back at their lives.  Some places can hold a lot of death in them, especially places like battlefields or hospitals, places where lots of people have died.  Visiting different places that have a strong connection to death can show you the similarities that exist between people who die in a specific place.  Tragic events can also show you how different people approach death in different ways.

Since this time of year is believed by many to be a time of weaker veil, where the lands of death and the dead are closer to this world than they are at other times, it can be an ideal time to start your visits.  You may find it easier now, though you may also find that you have your own times that suit your visits.  Keeping a log of when you visit can help you fine tune when it is best/easiest for you.

Just because something scares us, doesn't mean we can't explore it in a safe and healthy way.  Visiting with death can help us work out what we are most nervous or scared about, and how we can work through those issues.  We may never be okay with the idea of our own death (it's only natural to not want to die after all), but we may find it peaceful to get to a level of acceptance where we are no longer totally freaked out by any mention or reference to death.

Future spell work

 Spell work is typically seen as an active practice.  Often, when we think of living a magical life, of creating a personal path, we focus on things like being mindful, staying in the moment, of turning our ordinary tasks into magical opportunities.  We look for more ways to add magic to our life.

But sometimes this creates a big internal struggle.  Maybe we are very busy, trying to juggle family life, work, and personal practices.  Or perhaps we have personal issues that impact our ability to do things at the drop of a dime.  Doing magic 'in the moment' may be the dream, but for many people it's not a reality.

And trying to balance the desire to do something with not having time in the present means we need to look for ways to do magic 'in the future'.  I'm sure I'm not the only one, but if all I have is the intention or desire to do something 'when I have time,' (or 'when I have energy'), then it's a pretty safe bet that I'll never get around to it.  It's so very easy to keep pushing things back, and to forget about things we had every intention of attending to later.

Now planning future spell work isn't a new thing.  Magical timing has been around...well probably since magic has been around.  Many spells and rituals are set at specific times, whether that is on a full moon, at midnight or in the hour of Mercury.  Timing is often a part of spell planning, and while some people really embrace magical timing, others find it super restrictive.  It can create an additional hurdle, if you are already struggling with doing magical things, to now have them restricted even more to when you can do them.  

Most of the time, I don't worry much about magical timing.  Or I work it backwards...instead of thinking "I want to do a money spell, when would be the idea time," for me it normally ends up being more like, "it's the new moon, what can I do that fits that energy," or "I want to banish something, but energetically it's a time of increase, so how can I frame my work so that I'm using that increase to push out what I don't want."  It's a bit of a sideways approach, but hey it works for me.

I've really embraced planning in my regular, daily life.  I'm definitely one of those people who just completely looses track of all time (and all the things I need to do in a day) if I don't have a list somewhere.  I use lists and planners and trackers (and alarms on my phone) to help keep my daily life on track.  But it always felt a bit...odd...to use these same methods for magical stuff.

Which is just silly!  There is no reason to not embrace the tools we have to create the type of magic we want.  And you can always start with something really functional and practical, and then turn it into something more magical after you have started working with it.

One of the most basic things I do for myself is plan my daily tasks.  I write down the stuff I want to do that day, and then I can keep that list by me and keep checking back in and seeing what I need to do.  Over the years, I've learned to add in self-care stuff, but I'm only recently adding in magical stuff.  I always kind of felt like magical things would just happen...planning them ahead of time almost felt like I was taking the magic out of it.

But realistically, I'm just not going to remember stuff if I don't plan it out.  Especially big stuff, like doing regular moon work or getting things ready for a Sabbat.  When I start adding these things to my planner, it lets me keep track of the bigger cycles, and actually do the preparations (like setting up my altar or deciding how I want to honor a festival) or keep up with a changing cycle (remembering to do something for each phase of the moon).

One other thing I do my regular planner that I'm just now adding into my magical life is a way to keep tabs on future work and ideas.  I have a page for each month in my planner, and while I mostly use it to log the stuff I want to do every month, I also jot myself notes when I come up with ideas.  If I think of a story concept or RPG thing I want to remember...I write it down.  And then, when I've got extra time or am feeling motivated to write and I want some inspiration, I flip through and look at my ideas lists.

I bought some little notebooks JUST to use as future magic logs.  I can't always drop what I'm doing to do magic work, and some days I'm just not up to it.  And with my return to regular moon work, I'm often wanting to do stuff, but sort of drawing a blank as to what specifically I want to do.  Trying to do something magical every day...sometimes I need inspiration (I mean I can fall back onto the tried and true actions like burning some incense as an offering or doing a tarot spread....but those start to feel repetitive!).  

 

Anyways, I got these little notebooks to have a dedicated place to write down spell work I want to do (but don't have time/energy to do in the moment that I thought of them).  I got the idea from a comment someone made in one of my Discord groups, that they saw someone else keeping a 'book of problems', where they would list out stuff that is bothering you, so when you feel the need to do something, you have a list of stuff to work on.  And someone else suggested a 'book of desires' to compliment it.  I figure I can do one in the front of the notebook and one in the back!

What really speaks to me about this idea is that I can make notes of bigger issues I see that I might want to work on...stuff that doesn't just effect me.  Kind of approaching the issues of the world as things I can work on, in my own way and in my own time.  There is just so much going on in the world, so much that I feel could be improved upon.  And my personal take is that magic isn't just for personal gain (or personal improvement), but if I can I should be doing what I can to help others.

 

Even though I've just started doing this sort of future magical planning, one thing I have found is that getting things planned for the future helps me feel more active when I'm just not able to do the spell work itself.  If I'm having a bad day or am just super busy, but I can pen something in to do later, it helps me feel more active in my path, and less like I'm not able to do the work.  It may seem like a little thing, but it feels much bigger!

However you choose to work your magic, having a method for planning out future spell work can be super handy.  Not only does it let you get all your magical ducks in a row, but it can be a way to take a small (but meaningful) action when you aren't able to do more.  It can be a way to stay organized and remain in the flow of magical timing and cycles (if doing things in the moment isn't quite working for you).  So, if you are struggling to stay on top of things, try making some future plans and seeing what type of system works to help you maintain the practice you want to have...even when things are busy or you don't have the energy that you might like to have.