Ending a cycle

 New Years is a huge celebration for many people, and we use it to say good bye to the old year and welcome in the new.  But most of the focus is on the incoming year.  Maybe we set goals for the year, pick a word for the year or make some kind of resolution.  We rarely spend the same amount of time honoring the old year, recognizing what it has given us, what our struggles have been and saying good bye to it.

Part of a good transition is recognizing what we are letting go of, and by making a ritual of saying good bye to the old year and marking the end of the yearly cycle, we are giving ourselves a boundary between what we don't want to carry into the new year.  It is making a point of saying "this stuff was part of this year, but now we are staring a new year, so I don't need this to continue."

I have built up a pretty big practice of end of year reflection.  For me, it's a time to look back at the whole year, to remember the good times and the bad ones, to think about new people I have met, and remembering those who left us.  It's about finding closure and about seeing the year as a whole.  I enjoy journaling out thoughts about what I did well and what I struggled with.

Since we are saying good bye to a whole year, this is something that can easily be extended over several days, not something you need to do all at once on New Year's eve (especially if you have plans)!  And you don't have to come up with everything on your own (even though it is a pretty personal and private thing, at least for me).  There are a ton of great resources out there for journal and reflection questions.  

I definitely feel that reflecting on the year can be hugely rewarding.  What this looks like to you may be different from what it looks like to me.  You can find a tarot spread to work on, or some journal questions, or maybe even just spend some time thinking and reflecting (if you aren't a journaling person...doing this by a fire or looking out the window at snow is great!)

One thing I like doing is flipping through my planner (and journals...all the stuff I worked on during the year).  My planner has journal aspects to it, so there are daily/weekly/monthly reflections, there are memory pages, there are notes (for future projects as well as stuff I was working on at the time), so going through it is like a snapshot of my year, and it lets me reconnect with memories, which is always fun.  I almost always 'end' a planner with an end of year reflection, whether it is more formal or just me writing out whatever is on my mind.

Another personal ritual I do is that I create an anklet for the year, one that I wear always, and then on New Year's eve, I add next year's anklet (and wear both), and on New Year's day, I remove the old one (and offer it up in thanks).  I've been doing this for quite a few years now, and it definitely a big marker of the year ending for me.  It's funny, because I tend to swap legs each year, and when I add the new one, I'm very aware of it for weeks!

In the past few years, I've also added a Norse version of the 12 days of Xmas to my end of year celebrations.  So, for the last 12 days of the year, I honor a different concept, from my ancestors, light/dark, community, healing....it's a way to not only give thanks for the things that happened this year but also to build dreams for next year.

I've always loved advent type things, so having this extended ritual celebration at the end of the year gives me the structure I desire to count down the final days of the year.  Having done it a few days now, it's fun to build on what I've done before, to deepen my connection with each day and the deities and energies I associate with them.

I also find that the end of the year (for me) feels almost frantic.  There is this building of energy, the tail end of the holiday season (though I do tend to think of the holiday season as reaching almost to May, it's like the intensity changes with the New Year).  Taking a little time each day in those final days of the year helps me mark the turning and keep my balance, even in this somewhat liminal time (because the time from Xmas to New Year really often feels like it's 'extended holiday time' probably a holdover from winter school holidays that last for the last two weeks of the year in many places).

So whether you feel yourself floundering at the end of the year (like I did!) or you just want to explore your relationship with the year that is coming to a close, I highly recommend expanding your New Year's celebrations to include saying good bye to the old year in some fashion.  Have fun exploring the options and finding what works best for you!

Electric lights

 At Yule, we welcome back the light, and it's often a time for lighting candles.  And as much as I love me a good candle or twelve, sometimes the situation may not be right for an open flame.  Many people have romanticized candles, and they represent that something special is going on (whether it is ritual or romance LOL), while 'normal' electric lights feel more ordinary and don't bring that same sense of wonder.

But here's the thing....our ancestors didn't have special lights to bring out for rituals and celebrations, they used candles because that's what they had.  And even though we use electric lights for our daily life, there are so many variations on light we can still use electric lights for spiritual or special occasions...and have them different from the lights we use everyday to maintain the special feelings they evoke.

Especially at this time of year, when holiday lights are everywhere, the options are limitless.  You can find beautiful lights that suit your desires, and have something that will work for you (and everyone involved).

Now, I know some people have very conflicted emotions about holidays, so if certain lights trigger negative emotions in you, pass those over and find different ones!  And you don't have to limit yourself to holiday lights, you can work with a lava lamp or colored light bulbs.  There are fairy lights or LED lights, and of course you can put fancy shades around them (like you might put a tea light in a fancy candle holder to spice it up).

Light is such a basic thing, but it's really amazing how changing the light in a room changes the energy of it.  You can play with this, building up your collection of lights and figuring out which kind works best for you in which situations.  

And just because you are embracing electric light doesn't mean you can't also (or at different times) use candles!  This is about adding another tool to your toolbox, not necessarily replacing it (though of course if you can't ever use candles, this is a great alternative).  

One of the obvious advantages is that electric lights are much less of a fire hazard, which allows you to leave them 'burning' on altar spaces or what not.  Of course, you still want to make sure that you are taking the appropriate precautions, so make sure things are plugged in to a safe outlet, and that the heat of the lights won't ignite anything nearby, but they are definitely a safer choice if you have pets that like to investigate open flames.

One thing that takes a little bit to wrap your head around is how to 'dress' an electric light.  If I'm using candles for ritual, I do like to dress and charge them, sometimes I'll carve symbols or put some herbs in the wax.  Obviously, I can't really do these things to my electric lights, but you can still find ways to dress them up.  

Fancy tapes can be used to add flair, and you can use something like nail polish or a paint pen to draw symbols on the outside of things (like on the pole of a standing lamp, or the switch on the wall).  Or, you can make a tag to attach to your cord that you can write your intentions on.  You can likewise hang charms or bags (of herbs and stones) off of the switch (so that you can active them every time you switch the light on).  Just like when working with candles, you will want to make sure that any modifications you do don't make the lights unsafe!

I am all about feeling magical, and sometimes it's easy to overlook options, simply because we see them all the time, and so we tune them out.  But with a little twist, a bit of a different perspective and a new way of thinking, we can open up our options and end up with a whole new world of lighting to play around with.

So, whether holiday lights have always delighted you or if you are simply in need of a more practical solution for times when fire isn't the best idea, electric lights can be practical, versatile...and utterly magical!

Extremes help!

 It's a very common phenomenon for us humans to glorify whatever is 'not' going on right now.  In the winter, we miss summer, in the fall we miss the bright colors of spring.  And often it's the extremes that really get people feeling nostalgic for 'any other season' (or experience, or situation).  It's like we're programed to not be happy with what we have, but to look at it and only see what we don't have.

It's not necessarily a bad thing, to remember fondly other times and to appreciate that we know the cycle will turn around.  But if we focus only on what we don't have, we miss out on what is going on right now.

However, if we can flip the script, and remember the opposite extreme, perhaps calling to mind the sweltering heat (and humidity!) of summer...when we are in the middle of a snowstorm, we can start to temper those longing feelings, and instead of being unhappy about the storm, we can look for what makes it special...and what it helps us appreciate.

Feeling longing is a great time to turn to gratitude.  If we are longing for those warm spring nights, where everything is alive and growing, then we can take a moment to be grateful that we know the seasons will shift and spring will come and we will get to experience that.  We can even be thankful for whatever is going on right now that makes us feel the longing.

This can also be applied to tasks we may not enjoy so much.  If you are like me, you might struggle to work out.  Often, tasks we don't like are a form of an extreme, and working out is often a peak of effort...way more than we use in a typical moment.  But, intellectually we know that doing short bursts of activity like that can create a healthier body, and will make those moments of rest that much better.

You can even tap into this appreciation when the extreme is one you enjoy!  If you are having a lovely vacation, with no work to stress over or normal adulting tasks that you find tedious to do, and perhaps you find your mind drifting back to work or beginning to dread the return to work (and thus detracting from your good time), you can take a moment to shift your perspective and instead be grateful for this moment and recognize how it will allow you to return to your normal tasks feeling rested and content.

One thing that may be helpful to practice is holding both a like and dislike for a particular experience in your mind at the same time.  So maybe you have a social obligation (work thing, family thing, friend thing), and there are aspects of it you really don't care for (whether that is the people present, the topics that are to be discussed, or even the location and activities planned), but there are also parts you do enjoy (good food, specific people you enjoy being with, getting to dress up and go out).  

 

By holding both the good and the bad in your mind at the same time, you temper the good with the bad.  You can do the same for whatever you 'wish you could be doing instead', and maybe you'd rather stay in with a good book, but you realize that doing that will make your friend sad (which you don't want to happen) or that you'll miss out on office drama, or just a general feeling of missing out (because you never know if it will be THE party).  

 

With both the good and the bad of where you are and where you wish you could be, you begin to see that nothing is cut and dry, nothing is just good or just bad.  It may take you a little bit to figure out the benefits of the thing you aren't too fond of or the downside of the thing you wish you could do instead, but the more you practice it, the easier it comes.

 

And being able to bring all the factors to the table lets you not only realize that sometimes we put too much importance on one aspect (yes, it may be a work function, but it's also a paid trip and some good dining) and we often over play the alternative (sure, we could skip it and stay home and play video games, but then maybe we won't be as strongly considered for the promotion that we really want).

 

Life is complicated and messy and very few things are only good or bad.  If we practice using these extremes in our life to show us a more balanced way of thinking about our experiences, we may find that these 'extremes' aren't really so extreme after all.

Embracing community

 When I think about the holiday season (which for me is pretty much Halloween through Valentines day...which is coincidentally the cold and dark part of the year), I think about community.  I think about banding together with the people who live near us, the people we care most about, and the people who support us (family, friends and acquaintances).  

The image that often comes to my mind is being tucked in a warm house, with people I like, eating good food and just enjoying each other's company.  But I feel like this can be an outdated image, because many of the people I care about don't live near me.  And even though the details of the image don't line up, I still feel that this time of year we really turn to the people who make our lives meaningful, the community that we feel we belong to.

Now community can mean a lot of things, and I definitely feel that locality is only one of them.  Yes, I am part of my local community, in that I live in my town, shop at local stores and interact with people on the street.  But I am also part of the Pagan community (as a whole entity), as well as specific Pagan communities that I interact with.  I am also part of communities that bond over shared interests, shared life experiences and shared trauma.  

All of these communities make me who I am, they influence my daily life, and when I think of being lonely (and the cold, dark parts of the year can emphasize any loneliness we might be feeling), I often think of reaching out virtually before I think of reaching out in person...and there is nothing wrong with that!

Don't get me wrong, I adore my local friends, and there are definitely places that I feel at home at here in my town, but due to busy lives and what not, meeting up in person isn't always possible.  I definitely interact more with even local friends through digital means.

I also feel that we sometimes find our digital life (especially if we like to scroll on social media a lot...nope, totally 'not' guilty of that one....*snort) starts to feel toxic or heavy, it can be good to step out of the main stream and instead just connect with the people we do care about.  I often see people saying they want to step away from socials, and while I think that can be a good thing (and of course only you know what is best for your own mental health!), I do think that too much isolation can also be detrimental to our mental health.

Winter weather can also effect our mental state, not only is it cold (which often drives people to spend more time indoors), but winter weather can also limit our desire to leave our home.  Add in the reduced amount of daylight (which definitely effects some people more than others), and it's like we are setting ourselves up for moody times.

In order to counteract this seasonal slump, I think it's very important to lean into our communities, whether they are familial, local, friend, or online (or a combination of those!).  Reach out when you are feeling a bit down, and if you have the emotional reserves, reach out to people you know who you think might need a bit of a boost.  The thing about community is we are all part of it, and we all help to keep our communities healthy.

It's also a good way to trick your brain sometimes.  I know that I might be feeling in a slump, and not motivated to talk (because I don't really like venting or dumping my issues on other people), but if I see a friend who is struggling, I want to do what I can to help them, and often that in turn helps me feel better.  It's kind of funny how we are willing to do for other people things that we don't feel comfortable asking for help with ourselves.

So as they days grow darker, and the weather turns cold, and we find ourselves spending more time holed up inside, remember that you are part of many communities, and you can reach out to the ones that make you feel most connected!  This can take many forms, from a physical meetup, to a video or phone call, to texting or messaging, or whatever you and your communities like to do.  Embrace your people, and you will surely find that they embrace you back!

What drives your faith?

 There are many reasons why people have faith, and often it is a search for something bigger than themselves.  We look at the world around us and we just know that there is more than we can see.  And we want to understand, so we seek for that which can't be proven, only felt.

The thing about faith is that it asks us to be better, and being better is hard.  So we find motivation to do the things we feel we should be doing, and that motivation can be rooted in love...or in fear.  Faith rooted in love wants you to become the best person you can be, but it also wants other people to be the best they can be.  Faith rooted in fear tells you that if you don't behave properly, bad things will happen to you (either in this life or beyond).

Now, on the surface, this seems like a trivial issue.  Whether your actions are based in love or fear, it is your actions that matter, right?  But when we poke a bit deeper, we realize that love based actions are inclusive.  We want better for ourselves, but we also want better for everyone else.  There is no need to point fingers or turn away from people who are different from us.  The focus is on improving and becoming the best person you can be (and doing your part to make the whole world the best that it can be).

With fear based faith, the tendency is to only work hard enough to not get in trouble.  It also creates barriers between the 'good' people and the 'bad' ones.  Because some behaviors are sins and considered inherently evil, the people who do them are also linked to evil.  And treating someone as if they are evil, just because they do a thing you don't approve of (especially something that might only be considered a sin in your religion...and not in the general world view) doesn't encourage people to grow and be better, it simply makes them feel like they are flawed or otherwise less than.

But a fear based faith also encourages the mindset of 'it's okay if I don't get caught', because it's not about wanting to be better, it's just about not wanting to be punished.  This is why so many 'religious' people struggle with the concept of morality outside of their church.  It's why we hear things like, "If you don't have religion to tell you that killing is wrong, then people won't have a reason to not kill."  Which is a whole scary landmine of an attitude, if you ask me.

I also find that most people who have faith based in fear have a very cookie cutter approach to what 'good' means.  There are specific things you can (and can not) do, and there is no wiggle room.  Faith based in love tends to be more open to individuality.  It doesn't look at an action and judge it right or wrong in isolation, but it looks at the whole situation, it looks at the people involved and asks what is right for these people, in this moment.

Here's the twist:  faith based on fear is easier.  It's relatively simple and very clear cut.  Here is the list of things you Must Not Do!  There may be some things that you should do, but fear based faith is much more heavily weighted towards the do-nots.  And because it's a list of things, it's very clear cut, so there is no need to think or debate the morality of the thing.  Your faith tells you it's either good or bad, no exceptions.

Love based faith requires a lot of work.  You have to be really honest with yourself about where you are at.  You have to explore those icky feelings that you know aren't right (but you still feel them anyways).  You have to push yourself to find the bits of yourself that you don't care for...and work on them.  You have to think about situations, with all their nuance and complexity, and determine for yourself, what the best way forward is.

You also have to be really willing to accept other people for who they are.  Not who you want them to be, or who you think they should be...but who they are.  You meet people where they are, and you work with them, on the things that they are struggling with.  You let them be the master of their own ship and guide they way...you aren't there to take over, just to support.  And that is a lot harder than just telling them what they 'should' be doing and then judging them for their failings.

I want to point out here, that people can approach the same faith or religion from their own fear or love based perspective.  There are Christians who approach their faith from a love based perspective...and Pagans who are fear based.  This is about you...and how you interpret the faith you believe in.

It's also not necessarily a black and white thing.  You may be love based in some aspects of your faith and fear based in others (the afterlife is quite often a fear based belief).  There may be very specific parts of your faith that are rooted in fear.  Or maybe you grew up with fear based faith, but it is starting to unfold in a way that is now rooted in love.

Wherever you are in your faith journey, I encourage everyone to take a good look in your heart.  Think about why you do things, especially things related to your faith.  What motivates you?  Where are you acting out of fear, and where are you embracing the love?  Where can you turn fear based actions into love based ones?  The more we can open our hearts and work on improving everyone, the better the world (and thus all of us, individually), will be.

Embrace nostalgia

 Holidays can be a time fraught with all kinds of emotions, especially holidays like Thanksgiving that have a decidedly checkered past.  But they can also hold a lot of nostalgia and fond childhood memories, and we often try to capture those emotions in our adult life.

 

Whether you have happy memories of a holiday or are simply feeling wistful for that 'family holiday' that other people's families seemed to have,  you can seek out those emotions of family and celebration.  We can take the holiday as a time to put aside our troubles and woes of the day and just allow ourselves to enjoy the simple happiness of honoring an idea together.

And I know there is a lot of misinformation around some holidays.  They don't always represent the truth of what happened.  And we absolutely should recognize this fact and work to educate ourselves on what actually happened.

But I truly feel that the heart of a holiday isn't as simple as the stories we tell ourselves.  Especially when we have all these other emotions tied up into it.  Holidays often represent the idea behind them more than the history, and for one like Thanksgiving, we can turn to the story for the idea (that we should be thankful for our bounty and we should share what we have with people who don't have the same blessings).

The thing is...life is complicated.  So rarely is anything in life cut and dry, this or that...good or evil.  Things are tricky and one holiday may have a whole bundle of emotions rolled up into it.  We may remember some good years, and some bad years.  We might have family fights to block out or that one year when we were completely alone, or maybe we lost someone around the holiday and now it makes us a little sad.

I feel like holidays are one of those times where we can hold space for the rough stuff, but focus on the good.  We can recognize not only the issues there are with the first Thanksgiving story, acknowledge family drama, care for any trauma we might have around this time...and still enjoy a meal with friends and family, taking some time to think about all in our lives that we are grateful for.

I honestly think that holidays and celebrations throughout the year are vital to our mental and spiritual well-being.  We need these happy sparkling moments to make up for the drudgery of everyday life.  Holidays are often like rituals, they are time out of time.  

 

They are days that we set outside of our normal life. We put on nice (or extra comfy!) clothes, we gather with people we care about, and we eat good food and seek good times.  And that reset is necessary!  It gives us something to look forward to, a little goal or reward for doing all the stuff we do every day.

If you do anything long enough, you will end up with good and bad memories.  Good results can come from something that has a bad start.  But we can always choose which parts to focus on, and how we want to approach something.

And while I don't think it's healthy to always focus on the past, I do think that it is important to have touchstones to our past, and holidays do this in a couple of ways.  Firstly, they have roots, the first instance or the reason why we celebrate.  And we also have all the memories of every time we have celebrated before.  These all become beads on a string that represent the holiday.  

 

Every year, we have the chance to pull out our beads and hold them in our hands.  We can remember all the past years and reflect on how we have grown.  We can remember people who are no longer with us, and all the good times we had together.  We can embrace the nostalgia that comes up, and use it to temper any less pleasant memories that exist.

 

 It's important to not forget, and it's important to not let bad memories rob us of the good ones.  Take the time you need to sit with what comes up, but then allow nostalgia to coat you in feelings of warmth and safety.  It's okay to enjoy things, even if they have troubled pasts.

Veterans aren't disposable

 I feel like we have always known that we depend on the warriors in our society to protect us, to do the things necessary so that we can live out our lives in relative normalcy.  But I think we have started to treat soldiers as disposable commodity, something we can use and just toss away and get new ones, and the fact that these are people is just tragic.

We like to think we are civilized people, and yet we focus so much of our power on having the best military force...instead of turning our attention toward actually building a world where people can work together, for the good of all, and creating the structure to support that vision.  

The 'life cycle' if you will of a soldier starts with finding a young person at the peak of their physical shape.  We then train them to be skilled at the things we need them to do.  That becomes a slope, as they become more qualified, they also age and become less physically viable.  This often pushes them towards more strategic or advisory capacities, and we bring in new, young people to take their places.

And while we can debate all day whether this is a necessary cycle (or how much we should be scaling this cycle up or down), when a soldier becomes unable to fight, we do not treat them with the respect that they deserve.

Too often, our wounded soldiers don't get the care they need, and instead they are lost in the system.  The transition from active duty to civilian life can be rough, and we don't offer the services to help them make this transition well.  Both on the physical side and the mental/emotional side, we just stop giving them priority when they are out of active service.

This is one place where I feel very strongly.  I have military on both sides of my family, and my husband's family...and my son.  I grew up with a lot of pride for the soldiers in my family, and I know how lucky I am that the people I care about came home.  I also know not everyone is that lucky.

And it breaks my heart to think of soldiers coming home and being forgotten.  Not just by the government, and society, but also by families.  This is something that needs to be worked on from all sides.  We need more support for our returning soldiers, and that includes family counseling, to help family members understand and cope with any changes that their loved ones might have gone through.

We should know better.  We shouldn't be thinking of soldiers as assets and veterans as something to be tossed aside when their 'usefulness' has diminished.  If we, as a society, are allowing people to devolve because we don't see how they can be used...we need to seriously rethink our definition of civilized.  Because we are all human beings and we deserve to be able to live, to have a roof over our head and food in our bellies and to be treated as a person.  If we can't agree on that basic fact, then how are we better than animals (many of whom care for the whole community...)

We have systems in place to protect and provide for our politicians, and yet our soldiers give up so much more (and yes, even those who don't see combat have to sacrifice more of their life than a politician does...for MUCH less reward).  And we are told that there are resources for our soldiers, but obviously something is broken in the system.

We need to return to basic human decency.  We need to start treating people like people, not like cogs in a machine, assets to be used or resources to be spent.  We need to care for our vulnerable.  And we need to look out for our soldiers, the way that they looked out for us.  How can we expect anyone to step up and make those sacrifices knowing we will abandon them when their usefulness has run dry.

Time is fake

 Whenever Daylight Savings time ticks around, I'm always semi-stressed about forgetting it or getting times wrong and ending up being late for something.  In general, I'm not the best person with time (I often say that I don't do time well), and I have a lot of anxiety about 'being late' (which for me means if a thing should start at 5, and it's 5:01, then I'm late and I feel like I need to apologize).

 

Even in this day and age of internet connectivity, time remains somewhat relative.  None of the clocks in our house say the same thing (even though we set them all based on computer time, which auto-sets, every time power goes out), and it's very common for clocks to have different times when you go to other places, so getting fiddly over a few minutes, when the clocks can't even agree, seems a bit silly.

And while I totally feel like we should try to be timely, especially when other people are involved (it's funny, I don't get annoyed when other people are a few minutes late, but yeah, if you have people expecting you and you're gonna be more than like 10 minutes late, a quick heads up is always appreciated!), trying to live our lives by to the second timing is just stress inducing.

And especially around a change like Daylight Savings, where everyone is adjusting their clocks (except those lucky people who live in places that don't do this) there is just so much room for error that getting fussed about mistakes is just not healthy.

Further, being too focused on exact timing can be highly (and unnecessarily) stressful.  So many things that we connect to time really don't need any level of exactitude.  As my husband often says, most days it doesn't matter if dinner is late (or early), and getting worked up over it just creates issues where there shouldn't be any.

I'd also extend this to celestial timing.  For most of us, spiritual timing is already a loose thing.  We look at things like moon phases in terms of days (not worrying about the exact moment that a phase hits), and the same often goes for holy days (like the equinoxes).  And if we are already stretching a moment into a day, why not give ourselves a little more wiggle room.  

It's okay if you honor things at a different time.  (It's also okay if you feel timing is important and it feels right to you to make sure things happen on time!)  Think of it like a friend's birthday.  We don't feel the need to celebrate the second they were born, and if we miss their birthday we offer a belated birthday wish.  We don't tend to tie ourselves in knots wondering if we should say something the day after or just skip it (because we know that the intent behind the well wishes are the important part, not the timing).

And yet, a lot of people get really hung up on (somewhat arbitrary) chunks of time, and really agonize over whether or not it's 'appropriate' to celebrate a holiday on the nearest weekend or do full moon work the day before.  I'm very much in the camp of 'done is better', and while I do sometimes strive for hitting those timing marks, if I don't, I've learned to not stress over it (spiritually speaking...I still haven't figured out how to apply this same attitude to more mundane things, go figure!)

I think it can also be handy to take the really, really long view.  The deities I work with are centuries old (at least!), and I really don't think they care if I do something on one day or a different day, let alone the hour of the day.  ((Again, I know that keeping exact timing is a devotional thing for many people, and if that works for you great, but if not, then maybe the long view will help you reconcile things in your own mind.))

At the end of the day, I think that asking yourself what is really important can be very helpful.  In ritual, which is more important:  the time it takes place or the ritual itself?  Is timing part of your devotion or simply an optional add?  Is it better to do something on time or not at all?  Maybe it's okay to not be so worried about the when and instead look to the what, how, why and with whom.

Who you gonna call (on)?

 I was recently introduced to the idea of deities (and other spirits/ancestors) as people in your phonebook (as opposed to the 'archetypal master of their sphere of influence' in the traditional sense).  And I think this is a super useful way to approach deity work, especially when you aren't sure who to call on.

I think a big part of why this mindset works for me is that I don't really fall into the traditional model of witchcraft.  I'm not doing a bunch of spells and invoking deities to do the work for me.  I tend to think of that as a more historical view of magic, where the petitioner (me) makes offerings (the bits of the spell), and asks/compels a spirit/deity/ancestor to go out and do the work for me.  And honestly I feel like that is becoming somewhat of an outdated model.

For me, it's more like I'm trying to do a thing but I might want some help or advice, so I'll call on a deity sort of like for moral support.  I've talked before about how my relationship with deities and spirits is much more conversational.  I often think of them in similar categories as I might people, so some are best friends, some are like family (related but not necessarily close), some are casual acquaintances.  My interactions with them are definitely flavored by how I relate to them.

And I'll admit, sometimes it's hard to figure out which deity (or spirit) might best fit an issue I'm working on.  If I'm having health issues, there are plenty of healing and health deities, but who do I turn to when I'm frustrated by the failings of the internet?  Now, I do also believe that the beings I work with are 'living' beings, in the sense that they aren't stuck in their prime time...they are not only aware of the modern world, but embrace it (or not...because of course some people choose to live in the past hehe).  So a crafting or smith deity might work for modern tech, but a communication deity might also fit the bill.

What I love about the phonebook mentality is that sometimes you don't want a 'master of the craft' to work with.  Sometimes you just want a friend to talk to, or maybe a neutral party.  Let's say I was having an issue with my cat.  Who might I call about it?  Well I could definitely call a vet, but I could also call a friend who has cats.  If we turn that thought into a witchy one, I could call on the spirit of cat, a deity who is directly connected to cats or even a deity who maybe has some interaction with cats (but isn't traditionally thought of as a cat deity).

Where I think this concept really shines is when thinking about deities themselves.  I never really liked the whole 'list of correspondences' for deities, where you get a list of words that they are linked to.  Me, I'm all about the stories.  I want to feel like I know them, as people, and then the idea of who to call on makes more organic sense to me.

As a sub-thought on the topic, sometimes it makes more sense to call on a deity that might be a looser fit, but who you might have a better relationship with.  If I'm struggling to keep my house tidy and wanting to do some work to help me in that realm, I could definitely call on one of the hearth and home deities...but let's say I don't really work with any of them regularly.  Instead, I might call on a more familiar deity (because everyone lives somewhere...right?) and use the familiarity of our relationship to help me....much like I might gripe to a friend for some encouragement instead of hiring a professional house cleaner.

I feel like a lot of modern day practice has evolved, but this is one of those things that we don't really talk about that much.  Sure the debate about what deities are exists (are they mystical beings who used to walk the world physically, are they mental archetypes, are they thought forms...), but rarely do I see it followed up on:  how does this effect how we work with them?

The fact that we have exposure to deities from all over the world...and all throughout history, means we may have to rethink how we relate to and work with them.  Our ancestors had limited exposure, they had their deities, and sometimes knew of the deities of the people near them.  But their interaction with their deities was different (I feel) that our interaction with them today (especially based on our understanding of the world around us), and that necessitates a new way of working.

So, if you are struggling with who to call, when you are planing a working, perhaps thinking of it less as invoking a deity and more like phoning a friend (or calling a pro in) will help you find the right fit.  Who knows, before long you may find yourself creating a whole new phone book...for deities and other spirits who you work with.

Cutting ties

 As a society, we are getting better with encouraging people to maintain stronger boundaries and cut toxic people out of their lives...even if they are family.  However, a lot of times this doesn't extend to people once they are dead.  We are expected to ignore all the bad things they did in life and 'remember the best of them.'

This can be extremely toxic if you have family members (or other people, not just family) who were horrible to you when they were alive.  Death isn't a clean slate, and we have no responsibility to maintain ties with the dead if it is unhealthy for us!

Now, I don't think that we should just be cutting contact with the dead willy nilly, especially when it comes to the long dead.  So much was acceptable (and not understood) at other times in history that if we cut ties with every ancestor (blood, spirit or path) that did things we wouldn't accept today...well we probably wouldn't have many people left to work with. 

But we also need to remember that working with the dead is an energy exchange, and the more we work with a particular person, the more we 'keep them alive' in our hearts and minds.  So we should definitely be mindful about who we are letting in, and who we want to keep out.

When it comes to the more recent dead, I think it's definitely reasonable to apply the same restrictions that we might on our living relatives.  If I wouldn't be associating with you if were still alive, why should I spend a minute working with you now that you're dead.

I'm not someone who believes that the dead can't change, but I also don't believe that it's my job to rehabilitate my ancestors.  If I choose to take up that work, that's fine, but no one should expect me to devote myself to helping people who don't want helped.  Or to exposing myself to people who personally trigger me (due to my personal memories of our interactions and how they make me feel).

The good thing is that you can absolutely cut ties with the dead that you no longer wish to associate with.  In some cases, this is as simple as just making the choice to not engage.  In other cases, you may have to do more intensive work to keep them from interfering in your life.

I'm a big fan of warding and setting clear energetic boundaries for who is welcome in my home..and who isn't.  I also think that it's fairly rare for the dead to pester the living (without some kind of encouragement).  But, if you are having issues, you may need to turn to stronger protection work, like banishing.

And of course, you will want to echo your spiritual work with physical work.  This may mean making it clear to your living family that you don't want to visit the graves of certain ancestors, or be involved in any remembrances dedicated to them.  Sadly, this may also mean that you have to reinforce your boundaries with relatives who don't understand why you don't want to toast you great-uncle. 

Your reasons do NOT need to be made public.  If you feel like sharing why you are cutting ties with a relative, that's one thing, but just remember you don't owe the dead anything, so choosing to distance yourself is YOUR choice.  Remember, no is a complete sentence and it's not rude to keep your reasoning to yourself.  

I'd also like to add that it's okay to change your mind.  Perhaps you were okay with someone, but you then found out more information and no longer wish to engage with them.  The same way that you might end a friendship if you found out your 'friend' was cheating on their partner, it's okay to cut ties with someone who you thought was a decent person...but then you found out otherwise. 

And on the flip side, maybe you had serious issues with someone and cut all ties with them, but either you found out something new about their situation, or you have done enough personal work to have overcome your trauma regarding them.  Maybe you want to reconnect, to reach out and find out more about them (and your relationship).  Even if you hadn't worked with them before, you can reach out and start connecting.  ((And it's not a set in stone thing either...if you try to connect with them and find out that it's just not going to work, they really are horrible, then cut those ties again!))

The dead may not be exactly the same as the living, but that doesn't mean we should allow them to do what they like.  We can maintain our healthy boundaries and cut ties with people who are harmful to our mental well-being.  Think of them as people first, and dead second, and trust your instincts.  If their presence in your life brings you more sorrow than joy, perhaps it's time to think about letting go of the relationship.

Misunderstood faith

 Faith is something that is so very powerful, and often very personal....and for many people very misunderstood.  Not in the sense that a person misunderstands their own faith (though that happens!), but typically that other people misunderstand your faith.  

This isn't a Pagan only problem.  This is something that is faced by anyone who's faith isn't mainstream....and even then sometimes!  I honestly think that it's not an exaggeration to say that the average person understands very little about faiths that they haven't lived with personally.  

And I think this is a HUGE failing on our part as a society.  Of course faith is a broad topic, and even with more structured religions (that have a holy book, tenants of faith and other rules and regulations that constrain followers) there are so many variations that it's very hard to remain current on what the standards are.

Add into that the fact that many people (in a wide variety of faiths) personalize their beliefs, and you start to see the issue.  Many people like to assume they know what someone believes, because they were told certain things about different faiths, and that is such a dangerous way to approach something that is considered so sacred to many people.

For example, witchcraft is still shaking off associations with things like devil worship and human sacrifice...something most modern witches would never consider practicing!  And I've never come across anyone, who has those associations, who got them because they actually knew someone who identified as a witch and used those practices (or 'heard it from a friend').  It's almost always another religious 'leader' who is telling people these outdated stories (often out of a desire to turn people to their own religion).

Speaking of which, if we flip the script around, and talk about Christianity for a moment....that's another religion where I feel many people are misunderstood (and others are very clearly understood....they just aren't actually practicing what they say they are).  The sad fact of the matter is that there are SO many very loud 'Christians' who don't see their faith as a guideline for how to live their own life, but rather a metric for judging others (harshly) in order to feel more self-righteous.  And that has led to many great Christians being seen as hypocritical or being distrusted, because of the actions of the loud ones.

I feel like one of the biggest issues plaguing this topic is one of silence.  Many faiths include holy secrets, things that aren't discussed with outsiders.  And religion has become such a hot topic that discussion of it is discouraged in many places (because people can't figure out how to talk about things respectfully *sigh).

But talk is exactly what we need!  We need to talk to people of other faiths, and to learn about the faiths of people in our lives.  I love learning about what my friends and family believe in, and I would much rather ask someone directly what they believe in (and thus hear their personal feelings and thoughts on it...and any twists to the standard they might take) than to search online for an 'impartial' definition.

I understand that some aspects of our faith might be private and not something to be shared, but when able we should strive to have honest conversations with other people about what we believe in.  And when someone shares their beliefs with us, and they aren't something that works for us, we should be respectful in honoring our differences (assuming of course that their beliefs don't involve harming other people...because then the gloves can come off!)

We should also do our best to not judge anyone based on a preconceived notion of what their faith is.  There are a lot of vilified faiths out there, often where extremists who use their faith to hurt others have tainted the reputation of the faith as a whole...even though the extremists aren't actually representing the faith as a whole.  A very similar issue is when we take outdated sources as 'fact' and judge modern practitioners based on what ancient books say.

Of course a tricky spot for this is when a religion has a holy book that is also historic.  Because there are so many things that used to be common and accepted..that are no longer tolerated.  That would be like someone judging all witches by the writing in the Witch's Bible (including all the gender stuff and sexualized content).  

I also think that we should encourage everyone to be very critical about their own faith.  To question things in their personal beliefs that maybe haven't stood the test of time.  Or any kind of issue where 'you think this (insert judgemental thing here) is wrong/sinful/amoral, but you don't have a problem with (people who do the thing)'....often called 'hate the sin, love the sinner'.  Difference of opinion is one thing, but believing a part of someone is 'evil' but claiming you don't dislike the person...that's a conflict of thinking right there.

I don't think we will ever see a world with unified religion, because religion is such a personal thing.  What I think we should be aiming for instead is religious harmony, where people can practice what makes them feel most fulfilled (again...without harming or restricting other people), and everyone is okay with it.  Where each person's faith is treated with respect and honor, and people are given space (and time!) to practice in the way they see fit.

Mental health practices

 Mental health is not only a topic that's receiving a lot of attention lately, but also a field in which we've progressed quite a bit in recent history.  I always find it interesting to see how many mental health techniques (from books targeting specific mental issues) overlap with witchcraft practices.  

Let's first talk a bit about what mental health is.  Mental health does of course include how you think, but it also addresses how we feel and our social interactions.  Honestly, it's everything that isn't only a physical thing (because we definitely know that many physical ailments include mental health issues).  As such, it can include things like anxiety or depression, but it can also mean a lack of mental stimulation or feeling spiritually disconnected.

The thing about mental health is that it's very much like our physical health.  Most of the time, we are relatively 'healthy' in the sense that we aren't in crisis.  Which means we may be functioning (barely) or not even aware of what we are struggling with.  But just like how eating healthy and getting some good movement in helps our overall physical health, having healthy mental habits helps keep us out of mental health crisis.

There are a lot of parts of magical practice that are very good for our general mental well being.  Some of the first things many of us learn, when starting on our path, is how to ground, center and meditate.  And these are excellent tools for mental health practice!  Grounding is a way to deal with excess energy (and can be used for emotional energy as well, not just spiritual energy!), centering is a way to focus (great for when you are all over the place mentally), and of course meditation encourages us to regularly sit with ourselves (and whatever comes up).

Many witches include journaling as part of their practice, and journaling is such a wonderful tool for mental health.  The great thing about journaling is that it be what you need it to be.  If you have something you need to vent, pour it out on paper.  If you have something you want to say to someone, but are afraid to...write it out (and either burn it...or bless it and send it).  If you are trying to figure out what's going on in your head, explore it on the page.  If you are feeling down you might want to write about a better place (or time, or situation).

 

A lot of spiritual practices involve mindfulness, either as an exercise on it's own (like when you take a moment to focus on every aspect of eating an apple) or as a way of life (trying to spend as much time being in the moment as possible).  For many of us, moments out in nature, just existing, are deeply spiritual, and something to be sought out throughout the year.

Another wonderful tool is tarot (or any form of divination that can be used for personal reflection).  I love that a lot of the focus on using tarot is less about external stuff (which job should I take?  will I marry someone rich?) and more on internal stuff (what will make me happy?  why is this thing bothering me?).  There are TONS of wonderful spreads out there that can help you explore just about anything you might want.

Of course, we can't talk about mental health without talking about shadow work.  Shadow work is basically taking those bits of yourself that you keep hidden away...and exploring them, bringing them into the light (with the goal of integrating them back into your whole self).  It often involves unpacking things that we've been told since birth or rooting around in traumatic memories.  The fact that shadow work is a recognized part of so many magical practices says a lot about our spiritual community (in the best of ways!)

A lot of both spell and ritual work also involves mental health practices.  Think about the setup to do a spell.  You have to tune into (and often fine tune) your desires (when you work out the purpose and details of the spell).  You look at it from many angles, seeing different aspects that you want to call on (when gathering ingredients).  You take time to get into the right headspace (preparing to do the work), and then focus on one thing intensely (a form of meditation).  Doing these actions regularly (and often for a wide range of subjects) is a form of mental health practice.

If you are someone who works with the cycle of seasons in any form (or astrology, or moon phases...any 'over time' kind of practice), that is another way to tap into mindfulness.  We are looking at the world outside and then checking in with ourselves and asking what we need right now in time.  We are thinking about the times that have just passed and recognizing what they have given to us, and we are looking ahead and planning for the future times.  

All in all, almost every aspect of Paganism includes some form of mental health practice.  And this is one of the reasons why I feel like it is such an appealing path for so many...because we can each get from it the things we need to work on our mental health and thus improve our life.

Spoopy

 As spooky season is around the corner, and being one of those people who's life is always a little bit spooky season, I wanted to talk a little bit about the spoopy (no, that's not a typo...not now at least) phenomenon.  If you aren't aware of it, spoopy is a term for something that would be traditionally spooky (or scary, or unsettling), but is instead comical or cute.  It's taking the frightening and making it adorable or humorous...taking the edge off of it.

The story goes that the origins of the word were in a misspelling of spooky, on a sign being sold in a store.  From there, as with any internet meme, it took off, and now we see things deliberately marketed as being spoopy.  

Now, as someone who identifies as a witch, a typically spooky icon, the cutification of the scary has some interesting ramifications.  Firstly, I feel like this makes so many typically scary things much more accessible, especially to kids.  You can have cute versions of all the typical Halloween stuff:  ghosts, skeletons, zombies....and witches.  Instead of being something to be afraid of, it makes them into adorable or hilarious images that many people really like.

Personally, I love me some fright and gore, so I wasn't someone who was put off by the more macabre side of things, but I do know that a lot of people don't care for the really spooky stuff.  And I definitely thing that many of the hard-core horror representations of witches and magic definitely paint us in a negative light.  If you watch movies, you might expect witches to always be horrible, frightening and mean.  But with this new spoopy perspective, we can have adorable and cute versions, and normally those versions make the characters into helpful and friendly ones.

I feel like this will have a HUGE impact on the negative portrayal of many aspects of our practice.  If the only representation that most people see of witches is in horror movies, of course they will think the worst.  They don't have any other versions to go by.  However, if we see more spoopy translations of things, then people won't have this automatic negative attitude towards things that are more traditionally spooky...including witches.

On a more practical note, as much as I love proper scary stuff and gore, I also love me some cute, so spoopy products are right up my alley as well.  And, when it comes to Halloween and kids, I love that there are even more options that are child friendly (if you don't also have a child who loves the dark and spooky).  It lets people go all out for the holiday without needing to be scary and possibly terrifying the littles who may see your decorations.

I also think this is a sign of us, as a global society, accepting that adults can love cute things (that were once relegated to children).  I love that more and more people are embracing the idea that nothing is 'too childish' for an adult to enjoy.  If you love cute stuff, why not go spoopy for the holidays!  Let your inner child play, and get those cute and funny things that bring your spirit joy.

From a magical perspective, I love anything that gives us options, and spoopy items can let us approach things from a different perspective.  Let's think about the typical Jack-o-lantern.  It was created to scare off spirits, to frighten them away.  If we want to do protection magic with our Jack-o-lantern, it's perfectly suited.  But maybe, we want to invite children to come to our house and trick-or-treat.  In that case, a spoopy Jack-o-lantern might be a better fit.  We can find one that isn't scary at all, but maybe instills giggles in children, and enchant that to make them feel welcome coming up and ringing our doorbell.

Even around the house, a spoopy black cat might be all big eyes and make you feel warm and cuddly inside.  A spoopy ghost might fit with a welcoming house spirit.  A spoopy spider might be a good guardian (takes care of bugs but doesn't freak you out).  There are lots of ways in which spoopy versions of more traditionally spooky items can be used to twist their correspondences, so if you want to lean more towards the positive you can still celebrate the seasons, but with a spoopy twist!

Reflection repetition for growth

 We know that we need to repeat things in order to get better at them, but a lot of the reflective aspects of our practice are considered one and done.  We don't think of reflection as a practice in and of itself, but more like it's a check on our other practices.

I think it's useful to take a moment to explore the meaning of the word reflect.  It has quite a few meanings!  Of course it can be a physical thing, like how light reflects off of something shiny or how a mirror creates an image of something.  But it can also mean to think deeply or carefully about.  This is the meaning I want to focus on (though there is a bit of the first couple, especially in how we often reflect ON something we have done or experienced, creating a 'reflection' of the thing through the lens of our own perspective).

But when we sit down to reflect, we are in essence reacting to a previous version of ourselves.  We might want to reflect on moments in our past, on a ritual or reading we have done, on how our life is going, or on a shadow aspect of our self...or a million other things.  Reflecting allows us to really dive deep into what happened and explore things that we might have missed in the moment (I often find that I recognize patterns easier later on). 

Another value of reflection is that we can revisit things when we are in a better headspace.  Sometimes, experiences are so intense we can't really process them in the moment.  We need some space from our own emotions, or perhaps we weren't able to think clearly (we might not have had time to stop and think).  For this kind of reflection, it can be really handy to jot down some really quick notes, as soon as you can after the experience.  Especially if there are bits you know you want to explore when you have time, that way you don't forget the important parts.

And while sitting down and reflecting is great on it's own, there is also something to be said for repeated reflections on the same topic or question.  It's something I've been working with this year (as my planner has the exact same five reflection questions each week), and I'm finding that it's really working for me right now (though I've also tried the same thing a couple of years back and found it tedious, so you might need to play with the questions and frequency of reflection to find what works best for you).

One thing I've discovered is that it's okay to not write something new when you do a repeated reflection.  This is something I really struggled with early on (and also in my gratitude practice, which can be a similar repeated practice).  I felt like I had to come up with something unique every time I answered a question, instead of just writing what I felt in that moment.

Here's the thing though.  Even if your feelings are similar, you sometimes come up with small nuances that you might not have discovered if you only answered the question once.  And even if it is the exact same answer, that gives you information on how often you get the same answer for a question.  

For example, one of the questions I've been reflecting on this year is "How can I help others or be of service?"  This is often a very tricky one for me, as I mostly stay at home (we do grocery shopping on the weekend, and might see friends, but most of my time it's just me and maybe hubby when he's not working).  So, there are weeks where I don't really have an answer to this question.

And here's the interesting bit.  Even though I don't always have a good answer, by continually asking myself, I stop and think about it each week.  I try to think of a way to be of service to someone, even if it's just a tiny thing.  Or maybe I'll find something helpful to do around the house.  Maybe it means I go out of my way to say something nice to the checkout person at the grocery.  But it's all stuff that I wouldn't have thought of if I hadn't been constantly asking myself the same question!

Another way to think about reflections is the light concept.  When you reflect on an image, it's like putting up a mirror.  But that mirror only shows one side of the thing.  In order to see the image more completely, you need more mirrors.  Each time you reflect, you add another mirror.  Eventually you can see so much more than you first can, because you have so many mirrors to look into!

And that can be a much easier way to tackle something big and upsetting.  By reflecting many times, you don't have to do such a deep dive each time.  You can reflect on as much as you feel comfortable with, and then put it aside for a bit.  When you are ready, you can come back to it, read over your previous reflection, and add something new.

For this kind of reflection, it can definitely be helpful to keep your reflections together.  Reading through previous reflections helps you gain perspective and insight.  You can notice the patterns that show up in your reflections, and you can also see the growth!  Perhaps something you struggled with a lot early on doesn't show up in your reflections anymore, but when you read back to the early days, you can see how far you've grown!

Whatever your path, I definitely think reflection is a great tool to take along with you.  I also believe it's greatest strength lies in returning to your reflections and adding to them...repeating the reflection so that you can experience and see your own growth!

Familial gratitude

 Mabon is a time for recognizing the harvest and giving thanks, and some call it Pagan Thanksgiving.  We often acknowledge the things we are grateful for, the parts of our life that are abundant and plentiful, and sometimes even the tricky bits that we have learned from.  

And while Thanksgiving is often seen as a time of family, that is sometimes the one thing we fail to focus on, when it comes to gratitude:  family.  But, for better or worse, our family shapes who we are, both physically and mentally...and often spiritually as well.

Now, before we go any further, I want to state absolutely that you do not have to love and accept your family, especially if they are horrible to you.  You don't have to be grateful for the trials your family put you trough, even if you like who you are now and you can recognize parts of yourself that were forged in the fires of a hateful family.  In fact, if the emotional stuff is too hard, you might want to start with the more basic, physical stuff.

I am here because of my family.  Literally, I exist because they exist and their choices led to my being.  I can trace physical attributes to my family, my height from my dad's side, my dark hair from my mom's.  Starting with simple physical traits like this can be very helpful, especially if you have tricky relationships with your family.

If you are lucky, like me, and you have a good relationship with your family, you can start picking out good memories that make your life richer.  (note:  if you have family issues, it's okay to not be okay with your family and still have good memories...you can be grateful for those small moments....or not, but either way it's okay)  

Whether or not you are on good terms with your blood relations, you can absolutely extend the same awareness to your found or curated family!  Take some time to reflect on your most precious memories, to hold space for the gratitude for those parts of your life and history.

We can also be grateful for the people themselves, in all their flaws and imperfections.  I think this is one of the greatest things about growing up and being an adult...we can know that someone isn't perfect and we can love and appreciate them anyways.

With a lot of gratitude practice, it's most important to acknowledge what you are grateful for to yourself, you needn't tell other people.  However, with familial gratitude, I do think it's important to let other people know how grateful we are to them (assuming a moderately good relationship...if it's a toxic one, find other people to be grateful for!)

I think it's super easy to forget to say the things we feel in our hearts, and we all sometimes feel like the people in our lives maybe don't appreciate us the way we want to be appreciated, so taking time to let them know can mean the world, especially for people we may not be in as close contact with.

And, if you're anything like me, life sometimes sneaks up on you and you realize it's been months since you talked to someone.  It's not like you intended to go radio silent, you just forgot.  And even though modern technology makes it easier in some ways to keep in touch, it also makes it harder (because we have so much noise all the time, and we are in contact with so many people), especially if you have family or friends (or chosen family) that don't frequent the same social media circles (or sites) that you do.

It can be nice to reach out, to give someone a call or an email, or even get fancy and send a card or letter (and who doesn't like getting a nice letter in the mail!).  There are so many ways to tell someone how you feel about them, that you can find one that works for the both of you.  And sometimes, picking a method of communication that isn't your favorite can be a way to show you care (I don't like phone calls or video calls, and yet I make exceptions for family and certain friends).

Ultimately, if you leave something unsaid long enough, you may miss your chance.  So, when you are thinking of all the things in your life that you are grateful for, the things that make you who you are, don't forget to acknowledge your family (blood or chosen...or both!), and let them know how much their presence in your life means to you.  It will be worth it...for everyone involved!

Spiritual Self-care

 As a Pagan, I often think of both self-care and spirituality as being holistic...as in needing to work with body, mind and soul.  To me, they are intimately connected, and my spirituality is part of my self-care (and vice versa).  But I also tend to plan them separately.  When I think about an activity that I am planning on doing, my brain thinks of it as either a self-care thing or a spiritual thing (even though I know they both benefit each other).

I recently came across the concept of Spiritual Self-care days (though sadly I can't remember where I saw the idea), and it clicked in my brain that this was SUCH a good thing!  Especially for someone who is both busy and struggling to spend time honoring the holy days they wish to honor.

Basically the idea is, you set aside a special day (or as much of a day as you can), and you devote yourself to spending some time slowing down and recharging.  But really thinking about the ways in which your self-care can also be spiritual.

For this blog post, I'm going to take the example of a full moon, but like I said, you could do this for any spiritual day that is important to you.  You could also do this if you need a self-care day, but want to make it a bit more spiritual.

But let's say that you've always wanted to mark the full moons, and have never found time to do it.  Or maybe you aren't sure what you should DO to honor the full moons.  I mean sure, you've read a handful of full moon rituals, but maybe none of them really speak to you.  

Start by thinking about what the thing you are celebrating means.  The full moon is a time of high energy and accomplishment.  It's the moment when all the things you have been working for come to fruition.  It's a time to celebrate the great things in your life.

Thinking about the full moon energy, let's say I decide I want to spend the evening enjoying the bounty of my life.  Now comes the fun part:  figuring out how to translate that into self-care!  Remember, we are doing a holistic self-care day, so we want something that helps restore us body, mind and soul!

 

Let's start with body.  Since we are focusing on bounty, we'll include some kind of treat.  A food and drink that make you feel luxurious.  Maybe you grab a favorite drink or make yourself a lovely cup of tea.  If you enjoy baking or cooking you could make your own snack, but if those things feel like work to you than you can buy something (or ask someone else to make you a favorite!).

Other options for body might be some kind of movement that makes you feel amazing.  Or maybe a bath followed by spending some time massaging yourself with a lovely lotion or oil.  Dance can be an amazing way to express yourself (especially when you are alone and don't have to be self-conscious about how you dance...)

 

((Quick note:  I know self-care isn't all fancy baths and pretty things, and I know that often hard things are the most amazing for us, when it comes to self-care, but since we are doing this as a spiritual practice, for this version of self-care, I would stick to things that feel the most fulfilling....leave the work type self-care or deep shadow work for other times...unless you really feel called to do it, then have at it!))

For mind, think about what your brain craves.  Sometimes this might mean times of silence, and maybe you want to meditate or just spend some time thinking and reflecting.  Journaling is a great activity for the mind.  Or maybe you want to dig into a really interesting book, some topic you've been wanting to learn about and haven't had time to start.  But you may also need to give your mind a rest, and in that case, you might turn to a lighter activity.  Maybe reading a novel that sounds fun or watching a show that makes you laugh.  I definitely find that sometimes I need to do things that don't require a lot of brain power, just to let my mind rest.

And finally, we have soul.  This is where spirituality ties in!  This is also where typically we'd be doing any magical or spiritual work.  So you can absolutely do a spell or some other ritual action.  But you can also spend some time chanting or listening to music you find spiritually inspiring.  You could work on a craft project or do some art.  Maybe spend some time with a tarot or oracle deck or runes.  

The beauty of this practice is that it can be customized to YOU and what you need in that moment.  You can adjust the activities to any holy day you want...or even practice self-care spiritual days with your self and well-being as the focus (instead of an external holy day).  What I like most about it is that it takes some of the pressure off of honoring a holy day.  Instead of feeling like you need to do 'work' or have some sort of big observance, you can feel into what you need and then plan activities that feed that need while also honoring your spiritual path.

Meditation practice

 If I were to suggest any single practice to a stranger, it would probably be meditation.  It really is just a staple practice that brings benefits from the first time you do it to the last, for everyone.  And it really both surprises me and makes me sad when people say they don't like meditation.

I feel like there is a huge misconception about what meditation is.  You say the word meditation, and many people immediately think of robed monks, sitting in stillness and silence, for hours on end, with the goal being to empty your mind and have no thought.  And while this is absolutely ONE form of meditation...there are a million more!  If you have tried to meditate before, and felt like you didn't succeed at it, then you should absolutely try it a different way!

Before I start talking about variations of meditation or about why a regular practice is important, I first want to touch on what it means to meditate successfully.  Meditation isn't like many other practices that have a success parameter.  In fact, I'd be willing to say that there is no way to fail at meditation (besides never trying it *grin).  

So, what can meditation do for you?  There are a ton of benefits that can be gained through meditation, from lowering stress and anxiety, improving your mood, enhanced thinking and even pain reduction.  While once it was more of an esoteric practice, today many doctors recommend meditation as a helpful practice (to go alongside traditional medical procedures).

One of the things I find most appealing about meditation is that it is available to everyone.  It doesn't take any special equipment or training.  You don't need a teacher (although there are many great teachers out there and lots of people find having a teacher useful).

Not only can you literally start wherever you are, whoever you are, but there are so many different ways to meditate, there is absolutely something for everyone.  I suggest trying a couple of ways, whatever sounds the most interesting to you...and also trying a couple that sound either very different or maybe not that appealing to you.  Sometimes, we surprise ourselves, and something that we didn't think would work for us ends up being amazing.

One of the first types of meditation I learned was a body scan relaxation technique.  With a body scan, you start at one end of your body, and go part by part, simply putting your attention in that part of your body.  It can be helpful to notice any sensations you feel in that area, from pain or itchiness to warmth or pressure.  You can add in relaxation by deliberately relaxing each part as you go (if you struggle with this, try tensing each part first, then relaxing it).

Another form of meditation I learned early on is active meditation or moving meditation.  I used to run track, and it was very easy to slip into this type of meditative focus while running (especially since I was a long distance runner).  I also find it easy to access this type of meditation when doing anything repetitive that doesn't require much thinking (like washing dishes or shuffling cards).

A very popular style right now is mindfulness meditation.  This involves being open to all your senses in the present moment, including your thoughts.  But, instead of following your thoughts (letting one lead into the next), when you become aware of your thoughts, you notice them and then let them go.  This definitely (at least for me) takes some practice, and I've learned that adding in labeling (when I have a thought I label it:  past/future, helpful/unhelpful or whatever categories you feel fit).  Note, it's really interesting to see what your most common types of thoughts are, once you start labeling.

Focused meditation involves picking a focus and trying to fill your awareness with just that one thing.  This is one I often see mentioned in Pagan books as the candle exercise, where you sit with a lit candle in front of you and just look at it.  You might have also heard about it as breathing meditation (where your breath is the focus).  I really like using an auditory focus, whether that means picking some kind of white noise (like nature sounds), music or even just focusing in on what you can hear in the world around you.  This is a really great way to meditate if you are in a noisy environment, because you use what might have been a flaw to your benefit!

I'm really just touching the surface of the many types of meditation out there, and it would be impossible for me to cover them all.  But what I really want to bring up is that regular meditation practice is where meditation shines.  As I said before, you can gain benefits from your very first meditation session, but the more times you practice, the easier it will become, and the more deeply you will feel the benefits.

I also feel like regular practice allows you to try different things, whether it is whole new styles of meditation, alterations to a practice you regularly do or simply using a different focus.  And making your meditation a regular practice allows you to make the most of the time you do spend meditating.  I feel like spending ten minutes a day meditating is better than spending an hour once a week meditating (and it's often easier to sneak in ten minutes a day than to find a whole hour you can devote).

It may be helpful to think of meditation as a toolkit, and each time you practice you are making your tools a bit better.  Each different type of meditation is a different kind of tool, and some may be better than others in different situations.  So, not only does repetition make you better at meditation, variety makes you more versatile.  

If you have been wanting to get into mediation (or maybe you already are, but haven't broadened your practice yet), then I encourage you to give it a go!  Remember, you can keep trying different ways until you find the ones you like best (though I still encourage you to keep poking at the ones that are less appealing, just to make sure nothing's changed).  And every time you sit to meditate...you are winning!

Separation of Church and State

 I'm gonna be a bit American in this post, mostly because that's where I live and what I'm most familiar with.  But I want to talk a bit about Separation of Church and State...what it means and why that's SO important for everyone.

First, let's talk about what it means.  In many places, throughout history, there has been a dominant religion, and this was often supported by the ruling government.  There was often an official religion, and laws that supported those religious beliefs.  This could include making laws that hinder, or make it outright illegal, to practice a different religion.

What I find interesting is that often the separation was created to protect religion and keep it 'pure' (and out of the political realm).  I think there is something really wise about this, from a religious standpoint.  People shouldn't feel like they have to follow a specific religion, they should practice the religion that they feel is the right match for them.

I also think that our modern world is simply too connected (and in some ways too separated) to support official religions.  In many places, there isn't a proper dominant religion (and I don't count Christianity as a whole, simply because so many branches of Christianity do not agree on very basic tenants), especially now that people can learn about so many different faiths online.  On the flip side, we can't always just 'get up and move' to a place where our own faith is practiced (or at least protected).

Here's where I'm going to get a bit specific (to the US).  We are supposed to be a country with separation of Church and State.  We don't have an official religion...and yet we also do.  Whether I like it or not, our country is functionally Christian.  We have state holidays that are based on Christian religious holidays (and no other religion has officially recognized holidays).  Most people here assume everyone is Christian (which is so very close minded).  We have bits and pieces of Christianity spread throughout our lives, from the Pledge of Allegiance (which didn't include the phrase "under God" in it's original version) to simple things like saying God bless you when someone sneezes.  

But all of that is fairly benign.  Where it gets really scary is the way that many politicians and other people in power treat their faith as if it should be the golden standard to which all people are held accountable.  The fact that the bible is ever brought up in arguments about law is absolutely ridiculous.

What also really gets me seeing red is when some stupid law gets passed or a ruling gets made in a court somewhere that allows for religious exemption or practice, and then a non-Christian is like, "Cool, so I can do my own religion's practice here right?" and the people who were involved in the original law loose their minds because they assumed it would only apply to them.  Supporting prayer in schools comes immediately to mind.  So many people just have no concept of the fact that this means that other religions can represent themselves in this law...and that gets people all riled up.

It's this double standard that really bugs me.  The idea that if I want to pray to the Christian God, that is considered right and proper, and appropriate for children of all ages, but if I want to pray to Odin, suddenly I shouldn't be allowed to share my thoughts with kids.

I also find it absolutely mind boggling that, as people of other religions push back against the rampant Christianity that is dominating our country, Christians are crying out that they are getting persecuted against.  Because other religions want representation around the winter holidays, suddenly it's a war on Christmas and Christians.  I just don't understand how people can be so blind.

The thing is...I honestly feel like the world would be a better place if we kept Church and State separate.  Yes, there would be an adjustment period, and there will always be extremists who will take offense to any way but theirs being offered (and by the way, can we please start talking about the bad parts of some religions?  Every faith has their bad eggs, mine included, and ignoring them makes you look a little silly), but ultimately we create space for everyone to live...and prosper!

I always thought it was silly to not let people have their holy days off...and yeah it makes things a bit more complicated, but it also creates opportunities.  If Christians get Christmas and Easter off, why can't I get Sabbats off?  I'm happy to work on Easter if I can get Ostara off.  Imagine a world where everyone worked together to keep things functioning all year long.

And while we're on the topic, let's do something about Sundays!  Sundays shouldn't be a special day, because that's based on religion (and let's also not forget that Judaism considers Saturday the holy day of not working).  Let Christians have the option of Sundays as their guaranteed day off, let Jewish people take Saturdays, and let other people pick the day they want (based on their religion or just their personal needs).  Also can we not with the whole "stores can't sell alcohol on Sundays" (for the same reasons)?

I firmly believe that my government has NO business making laws specific to any religion.  We make laws to create a society that supports everyone, and basing any of those laws on one of the many, many religions of the world is just insane.  It may have worked in the past, when people didn't know better, but we should have grown up by now.  We should have learned that different doesn't mean evil, and that just because someone doesn't follow the same religion as you doesn't make them a bad person.  We are waking up to SO much, we need to wake up to this as well.