New Year, clean slate...

 The new year is just around the corner, and everyone is focused on how this year is going to be 'better' than the last...for a whole lot of reasons.  This is nothing new, and nothing really specific to the year we've had.  We tend to approach every year as if it is going to be 'different', and by different we normally mean "it will be like the past year, without all the bad stuff..."

It is natural to want to build upon what we've already started.  We put in the work, we want to get the results.  We want to think that we can take all that we have done, learn from it, and move forward in a way that filters out the less desirable things...after all we've learned from our mistakes, haven't we?

But one problem with this way of thinking is we are constantly referencing the bad stuff that has happened.  We are repeatedly thinking about what we don't want to happen.  Now whether you practice (or even acknowledge) the many 'law of abundance' ideologies, the fact remains you are putting a lot of your attention on what you don't want, on what you've already done that hasn't worked.

Sometimes, what we really need is just to wipe the slate clean.  To start over.  Toss out everything and begin fresh.  This can be very daunting, and it can sometimes feel like giving up.  But it can also be amazingly freeing.  It can open up doors you never imagined, because you are looking in a new direction.

So how do you do this?  The first step is to literally clear away the old.  You have to make space for the new stuff.  You have to be ready to let go of what isn't working.  This doesn't mean you have to drop everything you are in the middle of.  But spend some time really thinking about what is working...and what isn't.  A lot of the times we know the difference between something that's hard but seeing progress and something that's just us beating our head against the wall...we just don't want to admit that something isn't working.  

One way to do this is to put it on paper.  Whether you are analytical and want to do a pros and cons list, or perhaps laying out a timeline of advances and setbacks, you can literally weigh each side against the other and see where you stand (don't forget to add in the less obvious things, like how your emotional state is or how it's effecting your relationships).  If you lean towards more artistic approaches, you can draw your project out.  This might be as simple as getting out some supplies and putting color and shapes on a page, making a picture of how you feel about the project, or it might be more involved, clipping pictures that represent your progress, adding words and symbols, drawing the connections and roadblocks.  Looking at the resulting art will give you an emotional feedback that will shine a light on things you may not even realize you were feeling.

After examining the things you are in the middle of, you should have a better idea of which ones you want to continue with...and which you want to scrap.  Remember, you can always store a project if you aren't ready to completely toss it.  Physically box everything related to it up (if you have computer files, put them all in one place, make a backup and put it in the box, and then put the digital files somewhere you won't see them easily).  You can always decide to come back to these stored projects later, perhaps with a new perspective and new energy!

Now comes the more difficult part...figuring out what new stuff you want to pursue!  Most often, we struggle with this in one of two ways:  we either feel like we have too many choices...or we feel like we have none.  

I tend to fall into the first category.  There are a million things I want to work on, things I am interested in and want to pursue...way more than I will ever have time to actually follow up on.  And this overabundance of options often leads to indecision and paralysis.  I can't block out the other appealing options, so I end up dithering about and not actually working on any one thing (or I keep swapping about, and adding new stuff, and eventually I am trying to juggle so many things none of them really get any attention).  

The key here is to sort out what level of interest you have in the various things.  There are lots of things that fall into the 'mildly curious' category for me.  I find them interesting, but it's an idle, intellectual interest.  I don't actually think I'll ever become a professional blacksmith, for example, but I am still fascinated by the art of blacksmithing, and every once in a while I'll find myself following that rabbit hole of information.  Strangely, these idle pursuits tend to hijack my brain more than things that I think would actually be a big part of my life.

When I sit down and just ask myself "do I really want to know about this thing," I get deceptive answers, because yes, I do actually want to know about all the things.  The more relevant question to ask is, "which of these two things do I feel want to have a bigger role in my life."  Keep it to two things at a time, and just keep comparing until you end up with one thing that you want to work on right now.  You can keep the rest in a list of stuff to look into at a later date, but if you allow yourself to focus on more than one thing...you won't actually focus on anything.

If, on the other hand, you find yourself on the side of not feeling drawn to anything in particular, it is time to go fishing.  When you go fishing, you might bait your hook trying to draw in a particular type of fish...but you really have no clue what's under the water.  You toss your line in, and wait to see what bites.  When you don't feel like you know what you want to do...cast a line!  Ask your friends what kinds of stuff they like doing.  Scroll through Instagram or Pinterest (or just Google random things...).  Start a list of anything that seems remotely interesting.  

Sometimes you will find yourself being drawn back to the same types of things, over and over, and it's obvious to you what you want to work on.  Other times you will end up with a list of stuff you might be interested in, but you're still not sure.  You can work through this list the same way as you would if you had a ton of things you were interested in....still asking what you would most want to add to your life.  Don't worry if you don't feel super attached to it from the start.  Often, as you start learning about something, you can tell if it is going to be a short term thing (where you learn enough to know it's not really for you), or if it starts to grow on you (becoming something you really want to devote yourself to).

The great thing about starting something new is you don't have to make it a huge commitment!  You can decide you want to work on something for a month...that's about long enough to know whether it's a good fit for you.  If it's not, well you crossed something off your list, and now you can try a different thing.  If it is, then you can decide how you want to further your studies and work with the topic.

Remember, just because you take something up, doesn't mean you can't put it back down again.  It doesn't matter how long you've worked, or how far you've gone....if something's not working for you, stop doing it!  Clean your slate, take some time to sort out what you'd rather be doing...and start fresh.

Finding light in the darkness

 Dark and light are entwined, both part of the same cycle, both different sides of the same coin.  We think of them as opposing forces, but they are nothing without the other.  And yet, when we are enveloped by one, it can be hard to perceive the other.

For many people, we are in a time of great darkness.  This year has be so hard on so many people, and that is just the topper!  Everything we have gone through this year is lumped on top of all the regular junk that we are trying to deal with.  And then the actual year has gone through it's darkness, so we are faced with the literal fading of the light.  It's layers upon layer upon layers of dark, so finding the light is like trying to see a candle burning in another room....with the door closed, your eyes shut and while wearing a blindfold.

Sometimes, when we are in the deepest darkness, the tiniest spark can be blinding.  And other times that same spark can be swallowed up by the dark to where we question if we saw anything at all.  Neither way is right or better than the other, and we may find that some things hit us one way while others hit us the other.  When you realize which way the light is hitting you, that is when you can adjust and embrace what is there!

Often, the way that we see the light is the opposite of what we feel like we need.  When the dark is pushing in on us and swallowing any light we may have found, we feel compelled to try to make that light shine brighter.  That is when we run around the house, turning on all the lights, lighting all the candles, making noise and being loud about how we aren't afraid or aren't sad or aren't being effected by the darkness at all.

And then when the smallest light seems too bright, we want to dim it even further.  We don't want the light to go out, but we wrap ourselves in the shadows it creates.  We find solace in that very darkness that threatened to consume us.  These are the times we have to go through something to come out the other side.  We need to open to the darkness, to allow it to run it's course, while keeping our eyes on that spark of light, just the barest brightness is all we need to sustain us.

But what do you do when you feel like you can't find the light at all?  Sometimes, when the whole world feels dark, we turn inward and we stoke up our own fires.  We become the light burning in the darkness and we shine our light so the world can see.  Just knowing that we might be someone else's light is what keeps us going, it's the fuel we throw on our fire and it's the guard against the cold wind that blows.

Then other times, we know our coals are completely burnt out.  And we have to reach out, to find someone else's light to bask in for a while.  There is a phenomenon where if you blow out a candle, then hold a lit match near it...but not touching it...the candle will catch fire again.  Sometimes, that is all we need, a little jump start so we can get burning again.  But other times, we need to rest, like wood that is wet, it doesn't burn well (if it will light at all), but if you lay it beside a fire, eventually it dries out and then it can be lit.

No matter where you are, be kind with yourself.  Dark times ebb and flow, and we all go through stuff.  Not only that, but we all have different levels of comfort.  For some, the desire is to live in the bright light, while others prefer to hug the edge of the shadows, and then there are those who are most comfortable hidden in the dark and watching the light from afar.  

 

And wherever you are comfortable, you may find yourself forced into another level...for a moment or for much, much longer.  It's okay if you need to borrow light from other people as you strive to cultivate your own.  

Whether you are searching for a spark, a candle or a bonfire, no matter how dark the night feels or how long it has been, the light is there.  Seek out the light you need, and sit with it.  Find the balance of light and dark that works best for you, and tend it whenever you can.  You will find the more you work with this interplay of light and dark, the more accustomed you will become to the levels that you thrive in, and the easier it is to return to them when the light shifts.

Winter Deities

 When considering the world from a pantheistic view, it seems natural that there would be deities that are strongly associated with particular seasons.  We honor deities for a huge variety of natural phenomenon, as well as the many and varied aspects of human interaction and experience.  To put it plainly....if a thing exists, there is probably at least one deity associated with it.

Winter deities fill a bit of a unique role.  When we talk of other seasonal deities, often they are deities of other things that are simply associated with a particular season.  Fertility deities become deities of spring, deities of play become deities of summer, and deities of harvest become deities of fall.  But many of these deities are also associated with multiple seasons, or the seasonal connection is a secondary one. 

When we talk about winter deities, these are often deities that have a singular focus.  They are the deity of snow or ice or winter nights.  They aren't ones we tend to work with year-round, and instead find their way into our practice only when the days grow short and the winter winds blow.

There is nothing wrong with working with seasonal deities, in fact in a lot of ways it makes sense that some deities will be more present at specific times during the year.  In some ways it reminds me of breaking out the holiday decorations.  The act of decorating can feel like work, and taking the time to honor a winter deity may feel strange or foreign at first (because we aren't as familiar with them as we are with more year-round deities we might work with).  But once you get the decorations hung, they make you smile when you see them.  Likewise, knowing that you will mostly be working with a particular deity 'only' in the winter, makes that time special, like having a beloved family member come for a visit...you want to make the most of it and enjoy them while they are present.

I feel like winter deities aren't as widely worked with because so many of the things we associate with winter aren't the most open of things.  Cold, inner work, solitude, quiet, storms, death...the list goes on, and isn't as inviting as many of the qualities that we associate with other seasons.  And yet, there are other, somewhat hidden qualities that go hand in hand with many of these qualities:  peace, tranquility, stillness, beauty, rest.  

Now, I am a good bit of an introvert, so winter qualities draw me in.  For me, working with winter deities feels a bit like spending time with another friend who is an introvert.  You might be in the same room, but you're each doing your own thing...and it's still nice to have them there.  You might not speak for weeks, but then you think of something to share with them, and you have a furious conversation about that one thing.  

But not all winter associations are solitary ones!  We also think of gathering together in the winter, of spending times with family and friends, of huddling together in the dark and cold to share what we have.  These may not be things we do out of necessity anymore, but there is still that connection to years past, where we gathered around the fire, sharing our hope for the future and hiding from the fears that knocked on our door.

Whether you love the cold and quiet or prefer to find company around a warm fire, winter brings a different energy from the rest of the year.  Finding ways to honor that energy, to work with winter deities and learn how you can best embrace this season will bring different benefits from those you get during the rest of the year.  Winter may stand on it's own, but that doesn't mean we should ignore it.  Open your heart, and see what the winter winds will bring to your life this year!

Differing Deity Interactions

 A very common practice, among Pagans, is to work with multiple different deities.  Whether we are working within a set pantheon or working with deities from several, we end up trying to manage a handful (or more!) relationships with different divinities.  And this can bring up a whole host of questions.

Whether you are wondering how to set up an altar honoring more than one deity (or if you even should...), how to split your worship time, or if the deities you work with less frequently feel somehow slighted, there are a lot of factors to consider.

I think that we often have holdover preconceived notions of what 'worship' means...and what we do doesn't always fit within the bounds of that word anyways!  When we hear the word worship, we think of a form of adoration, of loving something 'more' than all the other things.  This way of understanding worship can lead to a host of problems, especially when you wish to work with multiple deities.

Though I tend to personally use the phrase "work with," my personal definition of worship falls more in the "want to honor and develop a relationship with," category.  I don't think of my deities as 'better than' me (whatever that might mean), simply different.  I view working with them as building up a relationship, and the quality of the relationship depends on what both sides put into it.

I also think of the different relationships I have with different deities kind of like I see the relationships I have with different people.  I have a TON of different interactions with people, and depending on what category I put people in, that changes how I expect the relationship to go...and what I am willing to put into it or what I think I should be getting out of it.

Many Pagans have a primary (or patron) deity.  This can often be thought of as your partner, the one person you chose to have the closest relationship to.  They are your go-to deity, the one that you turn to most often, and the one you work with on the deepest levels.  They also are often the one who requires the most work or pushes you the hardest.  And yes, to continue with this metaphor, some people are polyamorous in their deity practice, and have multiple 'primary' deities that they devote themselves to.

After that comes the close friend level.  These are the 'friends who are family' people in your life, the ones who you would do just about anything for, and the ones you can trust to celebrate your wins (without being jealous of you), and who are there for you when you are struggling (to lend a hand, an ear or a shoulder).  These are the deities whom you work with multiple times throughout the year.  They are ones you have made sacred space for, and you don't just work with them when you need something.  You are comfortable with them, you don't have to hit the books and look up what they like and don't like or what things they might be able to best help you with.

Now here's where it starts to get a bit more muddy.  There are deities we might work with for very specific purposes.  Perhaps a healing deity that you prefer, but you (or those you care about) don't have any regular health issues, so it's a deity you only call on when something goes wrong (when someone falls ill or gets injured).  Or maybe you want to call on a deity for help in finding a new job, and none of your regular deities quite fit.  Think of these as situational friends, the ones you get along well with, but don't really hang with regularly.  It might be a work buddy that you love joking with, but never call outside of the job, or it might be a parent of one of the other kids on your kid's sports team, someone who you see at practices and games and you cheer your kids on together, but you don't invite them to your house for dinner.

Now, many people find themselves drawn to a particular pantheon, and many of the deities of that pantheon will fall into the 'close friend' category for them.  But even deities they don't work with regularly hold a special place in their practice, simply by being part of their preferred pantheon.  I think of these as distant relatives.  Not your favorite uncle who takes you fishing, but that Aunt that comes to all the family gatherings and pinches your cheek, gives you a piece of candy...and gets your name slightly wrong or can never remember how old you actually are.  They are family, and you love them because of that...but you may not spend much time with them.

A sort of strange category that some Pagans might find themselves working with are the 'friend of a friend' deities.  Having quite a few Pagan friends, and a very eclectic local group, I often find myself participating in rituals that call on or honor a specific deity that I might not have worked with before.  This happens regularly when someone else is leading the ritual and they dedicate it to one of their deities.  It's very much like when you are at a party and your buddy introduces you to their old college roommate.  You don't know the person, but you make polite conversation regardless.  Now, sometimes this can lead to becoming actual friends with them (and the deity becoming one who you get to know and work more with on your own), but often once the night (ritual) is over, you say your goodbyes and know that the only time you will ever see them is if your friend invites them to another party.  

And finally there is the 'stranger on the street'.  This is the rest of the deities that you might encounter out in the wild so to speak.  So any deity you read about in a book, someone tells you about, you see a picture of or what not.  You don't really work with them, but you know of their existence, and you might nod and smile if you pass them on the street.  Maybe you have a dream where they send you a message, but you don't feel any call to work with them.

So what do all these different types of deities mean then?  I find it helpful to think of them this way because it translates well in my brain to levels of interaction.  The closer a relationship is (whether it is to a person or a deity), the more time and effort you are willing to put into it...and the more you get out of it.  I spend way more time interacting with my husband than I do with some of my online friends.  And my husband does more for me than they do.  I still like my online friends, and I still want to send them uplifting messages when they are having a bad day, but I am unlikely to buy them an expensive gift 'just because'.

Now, the thing to remember is that this goes both ways.  I can't ignore a person and then expect them to do me a huge favor out of the goodness of their heart.  The less of a relationship you have built, the more you will be expected to 'pay upfront' for stuff.  I can ask a good friend to stop by the store and pick me up a few things and drop them by the house, but if I ask a stranger on the street I can expect them to ask for money upfront!  The same works with deities.  The closer the relationship, the more likely they are to do stuff for you when you need, without expecting a big 'payout' first, and the less you have worked with them the more they may require a full ritual and offerings in order to lend a hand.

Ultimately, relationships are what you put into them, and if you work with multiple deities is it highly probably that you will have different levels of interactions with individual deities.  Each of us has our own thresholds for how much interaction we crave and can handle.  Some people might prefer to keep their circle small, working with a primary deity and a small handful of others, while other people might feel comfortable working with a whole lot more.  You may find that deities will shift in their roles in your life, and a relationship might grow closer or more distant at different times.  And if you feel overwhelmed with the work required to maintain your relationships, it might be time to evaluate which ones you can take a step back from.  Remember, relationships are fluid and ever-changing, so adjustment is not only desirable, it is necessary!

Distance gifting

 For many people, keeping socially distant at the holidays is going to be a big challenge.  We love gathering with friends and family, exchanging gifts, sharing a meal and just being in each other's company. This year may bring very different holidays, but that doesn't mean that they need to be un-cheery!  There are lots of ways to connect deeply, while still staying safe.

Of course, shipping gifts isn't anything new.  A lot of people move away from home when they grow up, and distant relatives may not be able to make every holiday gathering.  Today, we even have the option with many online stores of having gifts not only wrapped but also shipped directly to the person who is to receive them, which can save us some money on shipping, and helps reduce the chance of gifts arriving late (one shipping is better than two!)

If you are like me, and part of your joy is seeing people react to opening your gifts, you might do a distanced gift exchange.  If you wrap your gifts ahead of time, they can be exchanged safely (if you want to be extra careful you can wrap them, then put them in a second bag, then even the wrapping will be safe).  Or, if have sent your gift through the mail, you can schedule a video call and open gifts in front of the camera.  If you are gifting children, an adult can film their reactions to send to people who sent gifts!

 

I am also always a big fan of home made gifts.  I love making things for people, whether it is something useful or more decorative.  I love receiving things that my friends have made, it feels like a little piece of them!  There are lots of options for making stuff, even baking some treats to drop by (great for people who may not have a lot of room to store things).

 

There are also many non-physical things you can gift people with!  If you have Pagan or spiritually open friends, you might want to gift them with a divination reading.  This is another thing that is great to do over a video call, but you can also take a picture of the cards and send them your interpretation.  Spellwork is also an option, you might do a blessing, or consult with them on what type of spell they might like you to cast on their behalf.  

Gift cards or the like can make great gifts as well, especially if you know someone may be struggling.  I have seen several suggestions for sending help with bills as opposed to some little trinket that might just sit on a shelf collecting dust.  It can be very awkward for someone to ask for help if they need it, but noticing that they are struggling and sending a thoughtfully worded gift, can make a big difference.

You can even 'gift' an experience, maybe renting a digital movie for someone (and yourself) and planning a time where you can watch it together.  You can message while you watch it, to share your delight about the good parts or cry over the sad bits.  Even though you aren't physically together, having someone to chat with a movie you just watched makes it much more fun!

 

Another idea I love is gifting someone a copy of a book you adore.  You can add personal thoughts and notes in the margins (or on sticky notes, if you think they would be really bothered by writing in the book).  It can be fun to read books together, so you might agree on reading a chapter a week (or month), and then picking a time to talk about what you liked or didn't like, or different topics that were brought up in what you read.

If you have been stuck in your home with family, you may think about things you can do for the people you are living with, as a gift.  Maybe doing chores for them, or taking over child-minding (or teaching!) duties for a bit to give them a break.  Think about what they may be struggling with or feeling overwhelmed by and try to figure out a way to work around that.  

Doing things together is often a great gift, and can turn mundane tasks into fun experiences.  Planning a new dish to cook, and then cooking it together (maybe topping it off with a movie after you eat..) can make for a great evening.  If you have kids at home, maybe turn that afternoon's math lesson into a cooking lesson and have them help you figure out how to double (or half) a recipe.  Just remember, if your gift is making someone something in the kitchen....cleaning up after yourself should be part of the gift too!

Even though the holidays may look different this year, doesn't mean you can't create amazing memories and have a wonderful (and safe) holiday season!  Look for ways to make your gift giving special, whether that means thinking outside the traditional gift box or discovering new ways to exchange traditional gifts.  Remember, gift giving is not about the stuff, it's about showing you care about the other person...and caring knows no distance!

Heartfelt Gratitude

 

Gratitude practice is something that many people work with.  Listing a few things you are grateful for, at the end of every day, has become a sort of mainstream practice.  You can find these types of prompts in a lot of planners and journals.  Doing 30 days of gratitude is a challenge that many people take up, especially in November (because of Thanksgiving).

But, I think that we often stay on the surface, when it comes to being grateful.  We give thanks, we say the words, and on some level we feel them, but we don't really open ourselves to the fullness of the emotion.  We may enjoy the feeling of gratitude for a few moments, and even that has a lot of benefits, but before too long we move on and we let those feelings slide away.

Gratitude is also something that many people do in solitude.  If we are taking up a gratitude practice, we may think about or write down what we are grateful for, but it never goes any further than that.  We don't take time to share what we are grateful for with our family or friends, we almost hoard them.  I think often we are slightly ashamed of the things we are grateful for, especially if they are something that we feel is trivial or slightly odd.

But we also don't tend to tell other people what blessings they bring into our lives, the things that they do that we are grateful for.  We may be uncomfortable speaking up about our emotions, or we may feel that saying something puts the other person in an awkward position, or we may feel like it leaves us obligated to them...or we may think that they surely know that we are grateful for the things they do.

Sharing our gratitude can be a huge step in really embracing the essence of gratitude.  True gratitude doesn't hold any obligation.  In fact, if you feel like you need to give back, you are missing the point a little.  Gratitude isn't about making things even, you aren't paying someone back for the things you are doing, you are instead making yourself open, you are accepting with grace, you are allowing other people to care for you, and that is a very beautiful thing.  By feeling like you owe something back, you are taking a way a bit of the emotion that the person is trying to convey to you.  Instead of making it a sign of care, you are making it a transaction.  

Now, that doesn't mean you should only ever accept things from other people.  Of course you should do what you feel moved to do as a sign of caring about them.  But let those actions be from the heart, let them be based on your internal feelings, not simply a reaction to the things that person has done for you in the past.  

The easiest way to keep yourself heart-centered is to stop thinking about the actions and start focusing on the feelings.  If someone bakes you cookies when you are feeling down, of course you may love the cookies and enjoy eating them, but I bet that you are much more warmed by the fact that they thought of you, they took the effort to bake (or buy!) something for you, and then they brought it over and gave it to you.  It's actually not about the cookies at all, it's about the caring that the cookies represent.

Expressing gratitude should never be done out of obligation.  I remember, when I was little, anytime I received a gift from family, I was expected to write a thank you letter.  Of course I was grateful for the gifts received, but at that age, translating those feelings into true gratitude wasn't something I knew well how to do.  I wrote my thank yous, and in my own child-like way I did mean them, but I also pretty much wrote the same words every time:  "Thank you for the gift, I like it very much, this is what I like best about it."

Today, if I receive a gift, or someone does something extra for me, I often like to write a thank you card, but it's not about writing a rote message out of obligation anymore.  I try to capture the things I am feeling, how the gift made me feel cared for and thought about, and put those words onto paper so the other person knows how much their gift moved me.  

I think we live in a time where we don't think about thanking people so much.  We say the words, but how often do we really think about gratitude and what it means to be grateful for something.  

This is the perfect year to take a step back and look for those things in our lives that make us truly grateful.  We may be in the middle of great struggles or hard times, but I bet there are little things, even if they are few and far between, that make our hearts shine.  It might be someone taking the time to fix you a plate of food and bring it to you so that you don't have to get up or it might be a thing that is pretty and makes you smile to look at it.  Whatever the things that make your heart glad, embrace them!

Take some time to really think about what lights up your life, and then let those feelings of gratitude fill you up.  Perhaps you will feel moved to share those feelings with people who inspired them.  Or maybe you will want to share your feelings with other people who will understand (if you are grateful for a hobby or art that makes your life better you might find other fans to connect with).  Let your feelings of gratitude linger, don't just say the words and let the feelings fade.  The more you can surround yourself with the gratitude you are feeling, the more resilient you will be towards the less pleasant parts of life.

Imprinted learning

 

The first time we encounter an idea or knowledge, it can become imprinted in our brain.  That will be the thing we keep coming back to, and depending on the source of that information, this can be either a great thing or a problematic thing.

When we are lucky enough to have a good first source of information, that becomes the solid building block upon which all other knowledge is added.  We can connect future knowledge to that first source, and by remembering it, we remember the linked knowledge.

However, when our first source of information is flawed, we can end up with a lot of different struggles.  This is especially true when we don't realize that our information is not valid.  We might build up connections based on what we first learned, and then when we realize the errors in that initial imprint, we may find the linked information harder to accept (even if it is valid in it's own right).  Or, we might find that our imprint information is so contradictory to new information, we find it hard to get any other information to 'stick', because that imprint is too big and powerful.  

The good thing is that we don't have to stay stuck with that imprinted information!  There are ways to move beyond it or at least lessen it's impact in how we relate to our information.  If we are growing in our path, we are continually adding information to our knowledge stores, and being able to deal with issues that might crop up is an important tool to have.

The first step is recognizing the problem.  It can be hard to invalidate imprinted information.  It tends to form the core of our understanding of a thing, and we are loathe to discard it because it makes us feel like we are starting over (with obstacles already in place).  But learning to recognize flawed or even potentially flawed information is a huge thing, and is useful at all steps of learning.

The thing with flawed information is that it may not have been flawed when we learned it.  We might have done our work and checked our sources and found the best information at the time...but things change.  The world evolves and so does our understanding of it, and what was once the ruling theory or understanding might get debunked.  Learning to let go of old ideas takes work, it takes accepting that things change and that we can be wrong.  The key is to separate yourself from your knowledge, and to separate the idea of being wrong with the idea that you yourself are somehow 'less' because you made a mistake or understood something differently.

We may be highly influenced by our information, but we aren't the ideas we believe.  And admitting you are wrong isn't a sign of weakness, it's actually a sign of strength.  Strong, intelligent people are constantly listening and learning, they are open to new information and willing to adapt when the situation calls for it.  The more you can practice looking at things from other perspectives, the more you can develop this ability to see how the things you believe might not be true...depending on how you look at them.  And when you get to that point, it is much easier to change your perspective and your acceptance of the information you have.

But imprinting is more than just belief in knowledge.  Imprinting also includes a knee jerk reaction.  When something is imprinted in us, it is the first thing that comes to mind when we think about the subject...whether we still believe it to be true or not.  When I learned my elemental/tool correspondences, air was the wand and fire was the blade.  I have read about many different ways of assigning the tools and correspondences since then, but that is still what comes up in my brain.  It is so well imprinted that I don't even always notice when things manifest differently.  My first tarot deck has swords as air and wands as fire, and I didn't even realize this for many years!  I would see the cards (and yes, I even read the little white book), and even though the imagery is much more related to fire in wands, I would still think of air.

A big part of noticing what your imprints are is to make it a point to stop and really think about what you are experiencing, from time to time.  We make so many assumptions, as we go along, that we often don't realize where we are ignoring what is actually going on.  I have read SO many 101 books and lists of basic correspondences, I rarely actually read them anymore.  But, I do try to actually slow down and see what is being written (or shared online), because I like to stay abreast of where the current knowledge base is.  And it takes really slowing down, because you have to make sure you are reading the words that are there....and not just the ones you are expecting to be there.

Once you have figured out where your imprints are, and that some of them may not alight with your current understanding of things, then you can go in and work on changing your imprints.  This might not be something you can ever fully do, but you can go a long way towards making things better in your brain.  

One thing you can try is transferring the imprint.  The reason why we build that imprint in the first place is that we have a completely blank slate, so that first piece of information is the one that you have had the most exposure to.  Every time you think of that subject, you think of the imprint thought...and it gets reinforced.  To try to build a stronger imprint, creating a lot of repetition is helpful.  Remember back to when you were learning things in school.  If you wanted to remember something, your teachers often had you not only read it many times over, but then use the information.  The more ways you can interact with the information, the stronger the connection you will build.

Emotional resonance also carries a lot of weight.  A lot of times, a song will imprint in my brain based on where I remember hearing it first.  But I also have very strong song imprints when I hear a particular song at a specific and impactful moment.  These songs now carry those memories imprinted on them.  So, if you can build up that emotional connection, you can shift your imprint from 'first impression' to 'meaningful moment.'  This might mean building a whole ritual specifically designed to highlight the importance of a thing in your mind or it might mean working with someone else to create that strong memory that will help shift your imprint.

You can also use visualization and memorization tools to help shift an imprint.  Let's say I wanted to shift my personal connection between tools and elements, and wanted to link fire and the wand instead of linking fire to the sword.  I can spend time visualizing flaming wands or wands making fire, so that even if my first thought when I think of air is a wand, it will be a wand so strongly associated with fire that I will focus on that connection instead of the weaker initial one.  Often, the more crazy the situation you can visualize, the more likely you are to remember it.  You can even layer on other tools to help reinforce this...sketching out pictures or using songs or poems to help build these images in your head.

No matter what information you have imprinted, you can shift or change those imprints!  It will take work, but being flexible in your mind, being able to recognize when you are blinding following old information instead of actually seeing what is true and right in front of you is worth all the effort.  And these are tools that become easier the more you use them, so even if it feels daunting at first, stick with it and soon you will find yourself being able to adjust imprints to your benefit!

Big projects

 

The path we walk is a practice, and along the way we will find ourselves engaged in projects both big and small.  Small projects are easy, they are the one-off things we do, simple spells or perhaps reading about a new deity we are curious about.  But big projects can be daunting.  Trying to figure out not only where to start but how to keep going can be a real struggle.

It's November, which means NaNo (National Novel Writing Month).  For those that aren't aware of this, it's a self-motivated challenge to write 40k words entirely in the month of November.  Tons of writers (and aspiring writers) from around the world join in and challenge themselves.  And because it's a self-driven challenge, many struggle, at all steps along the way.

For some, even getting started is an issue.  40k words seems SO big (because it is!), and they may get stuck in the planning phase.  For others, they will start strong, writing tons in the first week, but then they get burnt out and struggle to write at all.  Some prefer to write in groups, or to find places outside their home to write, while others write every day, at the same time, in the same place.

Approaching any big project starts with the idea.  You have to know what you want to accomplish.  With NaNo, part of this is done, as the whole concept is the 40k word count.  But you have to pick what you want to write about.  In your path, you decide what you study and how deep those studies will go.  Once you have picked the topic you want to explore, you have to determine if you want to do a broad study or a deep one.  A broad study might teach you enough to recognize the appropriate terms and know enough to have a conversation about it, while a deep study might be what you need if you want to focus on that area or maybe someday teach about it.  The thing about an idea is that it can change as you go along.  You might start broad and realize you are keenly interested in the topic, and so you want to go deep in certain areas.

After you have your idea, you need to make a plan.  This is where it really starts to get personal.  Different people thrive with different types of plans.  In writing, there are people who really need a detailed plot and outline.  Coming up with this is vital to their writing.  Other people struggle with this structured of an approach, and write best from the hip.  But even if you don't want to plan out the whole story, having a plan for when and where and how you will write is necessary.  The thing about plans is they can be quite fluid or very strict.  You might tell yourself you will write during specific hours, while in a particular place, or you may just plan on writing something every day.

The same goes for any big project you are trying to tackle.  Some people need to break it down into a series of smaller steps, and plan out each of those.  Having a full outline, before they begin, helps them stay on track and keep everything structured in their mind.  Other people find that they just need to think about the one thing they need to do right now.  And if their first thought is too big, they pick which part of that one thing they can work on.  Once that thing is done, they find the next thing to work on.

Once you have your plan, it all comes down to execution.  And again, there are many ways that this works for different people.  Some people work in spurts, so they might spend all day working on their project, but only work on it one day a week.  For other people, that is too much all at once, and too much time off.  They may need to work on their project a little bit every day.  The key is paying attention to how your work flows when you work in different ways.  You may find yourself frustrated after working for an hour and then needing to stop to do other things.  This might indicate that you need to carve out bigger chunks of time to work.  Or, you may find that if you don't have specific times to work, you get caught up in other stuff and forget, so making a clear schedule may be helpful to you.

When at this stage, it's also important to keep checking in with how you feel about the whole project.  Sometimes we find ourselves stuck in something we thought we wanted to do, but the further along it gets, the more we realize that working on it is making us miserable.  That means it's time to sit and reflect, to adjust if necessary.  We may have thought we wanted to study an entire pantheon of deities, but after we got through the first handful, we realize that we aren't as invested in the rest.  Maybe we only want to do deep research on a few deities in the pantheon, but we want a broad knowledge of others, and then there may be some we just keep in a list (in case we might want to read up on them later).

Adjusting your plan is not the same as giving up.  Giving up is when you aren't willing to do the work to get what you want.  Adjusting your plan is when you realize that you don't actually want the thing you are working towards.  Especially when it comes to working your path, you don't want to be spending time and energy working towards things that aren't aligned with what you truly want to be doing.  If you find something uninteresting, stop, adjust, and head off in a new direction.  It's okay to pause in studying something, or set a topic aside for the time being.  Sometimes you may find that you are drawn back to that subject at a later date (or after learning some other stuff that makes it more appealing), but sometimes you just realize that your interests lie elsewhere.

Big projects can be truly rewarding.  When we have great interest in a subject and we want to connect better with it, spending time on building that understanding and connection can be fabulous.  But if we try to approach big projects in the wrong way, they can crush us.  It's well worth taking the time to approach these big projects in the right way....the way that is right for you.  Pay attention to how you feel along the way, be brutally honest with yourself, adjust as necessary, and it will all pay off!

Witching the world

 

This has been a year.  Before this year, I often said I didn't like talking about politics.  This year, politics and current events have been so present that it's hard to avoid talking about them, and I have definitely written a lot more this year about things that are going on than I have in the past.  And I think I am starting to change my mind...about not talking about or 'staying out' of politics.

We talk a lot about inner work, but rarely do we talk seriously about outer work.  If inner work is getting to know your Self, and working with your shadows and becoming the person you want to be, then outer work is about getting to know the World (and what is truly happening), figuring out what the problems are, and helping to create the world you want to live in.

Yes, this sounds pretty radical, and I think that is okay (it's a bit sad that wanting a better world is radical, but hey, we work with what we've got).  It may force you to face some ethical issues involving your perceptions of harm, your choice to work magic on others (without their permission), or even how you feel about disrupting 'the natural flow' (or what that even means..).

But, I think we are starting to realize that the world is evolving in ways that many of us are vehemently against.  I'm reminded of the quote, "All that is necessary for evil to succeed is that good men do nothing."  I think that too many of us good people don't want to make waves.  And by good people I mean people who honestly want the best for the world, for their neighbors and friends, and even their enemies.  Part of respecting others, and respecting other opinions is allowing people to have vastly different ideas than we do.

Where I think the problem lies is that there is something very different from wanting to encourage people to have their own perspectives and opinions...and letting people make choices for others based on their own perspective.  This is where I really have issues with some Christian folks.  It's not their faith at all, it's the fact that they want to use legal means to force everyone to live by the rules of their faith.  It's not longer a belief or an opinion, now it's oppression.

And I think we've somewhat lost sight of what oppression really is.  We see all kinds of very privileged people crying out that they are being repressed or that they aren't allowed to believe what they believe in, and yet almost always they are actually upset that other people aren't following what they believe.  In their eyes, they don't see a difference between a person who is actually being oppressed, someone who is legitimately not being treated as an equal or who is being denied basic rights, and whatever fluff thing they were told they couldn't do.  It's like a toddler crying because they can't eat all the candy in a jar and trying to say it's the same as a starving child crying because they haven't been giving any food in three days.

Now, a lot of people will say that we need to focus on ourselves, that change should start from within.  And I fully agree with that.  But note that it says change STARTS from within.  It doesn't end within.  We need to start with our inner work, so we know what we truly believe, we know what things are vital to our being, we know where we stand.  But then we need to reach out, because if we only work on inner work, there are plenty of people in the world who have no problem hurting other people just for the heck of it (or because they are selfish and want all the stuff for themselves).

Now, I'm not going to tell anyone they need to start cursing people they don't agree with or any type of aggressive response in any way.  There are many, many ways to approach an issue....at least as many ways as there are people, and probably a lot more!  If I see someone being attacked, sure, I can try to take out the attacker.  I can also try to help the person escape, I can call the authorities, I can rally onlookers to help me intimidate the attacker, I can try to talk the attacker down.  Some of these ways do directly effect the attacker, but some don't.  We all need to do what we feel comfortable with, but I think we need to do something.

 

To toss out another quote, "With great power comes great responsibility."  I think that every person has power, in different ways, and that we are responsible to each other to use our power to make the world better.  We are starting to see just how many problems are created when we treat life as if it were 'every man for themselves' or as if it were a game to see who can hoard the most stuff.  We know that what we are doing (and what we have been doing) isn't working, so I think it's time for a change.

 

We work magic, we create change in the world, change based on our will.  And though we may not be strong enough to change the whole world on our own, if we don't try, nothing will change.  And the more of us that work to make the world better, the more tiny ripples start shifting...and those ripples can build on each other and become waves.  

 

It is time to join together the inner and outer work of our practice.  First, we find our footing, but then we make a stand!  Decide what things you are passionate about, what issues you want to work on fixing, and then do the work to figure out how to approach them!  Find others who share your passion, who want to change the same things you do, and work together...for we will find strength in numbers.  It is time we stop being polite and turning a blind eye to the things we see happening all around us.  It is time we stand up for what we believe in.  It is time we start witching the world!

Non-localized spirits

We tend to fall into a trap, when thinking about spirits (both ghosts and other types of spirits).  We think of them as if they were people, bound by the same limitations that they were in life....most specifically that of location.  While it is true, that many people will call on deities or ancestors who originated in other areas, we still tend to think of things like hauntings as being people who died nearby (or at a location).  Even when it comes to calling up spirits to aid us, we normally either think of them in terms of 'local spirits' or that somehow the spirits answer us from wherever they are...but do we consider where they actually reside?

I think it's something that we do out of convenience.  We want to believe that we can ask for any spirit we want, and that it doesn't matter if they aren't local.  We think that if we call them we answer.  And yet, at the same time, when it's something bad, it's trapped to a location.  If someone died horribly in a house, they can't leave.  If someone did horrible things, they are somehow locked to the scene of their crime.

I think we create these arbitrary rules because we don't want to really sit and think about how the spirit world might work.  We want to feel like we are safe if we leave a creepy location, and we want to believe we have access to the whole spirit world.  We want to be the masters of the world around us, and we don't like thinking that we might not have as much control as we believe we have.

It also reminds me of one of my big gripes about ancestor work:  the idea that our ancestors just kind of hang around us, always ready in case we want to talk to them or ask them a favor.  Some people treat deities this way as well.  

I honestly feel like time and space don't operate the same for spirits as it does for us.  I tend to think of them as outside of time or space, and thus also able to be anywhere or anywhen.  But that doesn't mean that we can take them for granted.  I also don't think they are in any way locked to their location of origin (or death, or the places they frequented in life).  And, to complicate things even further, I don't think that all spirits are the same.

Let me explain.  We'll start with spirits of the dead, what many people consider to be ghosts.  I have my own thoughts about what happens to us after we die (the short version is...whatever you think will happen to you does), which means that functionally I don't think everyone will stick around as a ghost.  But most ancestor worship is based on the idea that we can call upon any ancestor we wish, any person who has ever lived on this earth, is there for us to reach out to.

That just doesn't make any sense to me.  Firstly, I don't think that the afterlife is just a big waiting room with all the dead sitting around watching what us living folks are doing.  Also, this belief kind of excludes a lot of afterlife beliefs.  If I go to heaven or hell....am I really going to just be able to pop out and help answer my decedents questions about which person they truly love?  If I am reincarnated, do I just zone out of my current life whenever someone is trying to talk to my spirit?  If I 'become one with the universe' how do I separate myself enough to show up at a Samhain ritual?

I think that many things can happen to us when we cross over (to where ever we cross over to).  I do think that some people stick around, in a pretty coherent form.  These are the active ghosts, the ones who tend to effect the world around them.  But I also think we sometimes leave echos, these aren't full fledged ghosts, but just bits of ourselves.  It might be a cold spot or a stain that won't go away, but it's not a complete personality, just one bit that lingers.  I also think that sometimes what we see as spirits are reflections...they are the bits of those who have gone before that are a part of us, so when we reach out to them, we are interacting with the part of them that became a part of us.

 

Now, some of these spirits will be more location tied.  Echos are often stuck in one place, because they aren't complete.  They are linked to one specific point in the life once lived.  They might go away if that place is changed enough.  But others are truly free from the limitations of the living.  They are energy beings, and as such, they can be where (and when) they want to be.  If they are here speaking with me at the moment, and you call on them from across the globe, they can be there with you as well.

 

For reflections, well they are where we are, because we carry them inside us.  And I think we can reflect spirits that aren't directly connected to us, because when we learn about someone, we create a connection with them.  We can reflect spirits that we might not be directly descended from, simply by being aware of their existence.  

 

Here's where I think it gets even more tricky.  When we reflect or carry spirits with us, they can also become aware of the world around us...remember reflections go both ways!  If we consider how our ancestors migrated, and how they took their memories with them, they brought with them their beliefs in the spirits of the land and the world around them, they brought with them the gods they worshiped....it only makes sense that some of those spirits would take root in the new lands they found themselves in.

 

I don't feel that spirits or energy beings are locked, either in place or in evolution (as in they can never grow and evolve....I don't think they are flies trapped in amber).  As we have spread out and mingled with each other, I think the spirits we work with have as well.  I don't think that my land (here in North America) is only populated with spirits that originated here.  

Now, many spirits have preferred habitats.  Some may like woods and some might like streams.  Some might like a particular plant or stone, while others may want to be in a specific room in our house.  If those things don't exist in a new place, they might change their likes.  And just like someone who is forced into a new situation, sometimes they look for the closest thing to what they used to have, and sometimes they see something brand new and fall in love with it.  I think that spirits that have moved over time can evolve in surprising ways, just like people do.

I think we owe it to ourselves, and to the spirits we work with, to stop thinking of them as both unchangeable and locked into their 'place of origin', and also somehow limited by the same limitations we face as human beings.  We need to really look and listen and see what they are telling us.  We need to be open to the changes they may have gone through, so that we can work with them as they are and not as we expect them to be.  And we need to respect them, and not treat them as if they are only hanging around to serve (or scare) us.

Recent dead

 As we turn towards Samhain, our thoughts turn towards our ancestors and our beloved dead.  It is a time to reconnect, and to work with those who have passed over, to honor them and the role they played in our life while they lived, but also the lingering influence they have now that they are gone.  And while we often honor both the long-dead and the recent-dead, it can be hard to process our emotions with the recent dead, especially those who we were very close to.

I think that navigating the transition from "this is how we related while you were alive" to "this is how we relate now that you are not," can be tricky, and the more recent the crossing, the harder it is to separate the two relationships, but very few people have the same relationship with someone they knew after they pass over.  And that only makes sense, because death is a huge transition....it is one of the biggest changes we go through, and the one that we struggle the most with.

As a living person, there is too much unknown, and we don't know how to handle not knowing.  No matter how much we may feel we understand about what happens on the other side, we don't have any personal experience with it, and so it remains in that nebulous state of uncertainty.  Having someone we care about being in that place can be highly unsettling.  

This is a very different feeling from working with someone who died a long time ago, even if we knew them in life.  We have had time to settle into the new relationship, and we don't have so many fresh memories of them in a different state from where they are now.  It's even easier to work with dead who we never knew, because we have only ever interacted with them as they are.

And, of course, this year we have a new situation, where there are many more recently dead than we are used to, connected in their source of death across the globe and for almost the entirety of this year.  My local group honors those who have crossed over in the past year as part of our Day of the Dead ceremonies (which we will not be doing in person this year, because of the state of things), and if there was a tragedy or other significant instance of group death, we recognize it.

But this year, we are in the unique position of not only having this massive group death connection, but we add in that it is still ongoing.  We aren't out of the woods yet, and may not have even reached the height of it.  This puts a very different outlook on recognizing these specific recent dead, because there is a much bigger threat of it continuing to claim people we care about.

This time of year is always poignant for many of us, but I think this year it will hit even harder.  We are locked in a time of fear and loss and sorrow, and we mourn for more than just the countless people who have passed over this year.  So much has changed, and I think we need to recognize that, as well as taking time to honor the lives lost.

Because this year is so different, on so many levels, I think we need to honor that fact when we honor our dead.  We need to take extra time and care, with ourselves, as we approach this Sabbat, to make sure we are tending our own self-care needs.  We need to be extra kind to the people around us, especially those who are in precarious situations or who have lost loved ones.

And we may find ourselves called to help the newly dead.  I think that anytime a big tragedy strikes, there is a greater need for helpers, both for the living and the dead.  There is so much disinformation about what is actually going on, and so much fear and separation as the end nears, that the passing for many people is not what they may have planned on.

Many people are not able to be with their loved ones in their final moments.  They aren't able to have the religious rituals they prefer, or have the type of passing they may have planned for.  This is very stressful for both the living and those who are passing.  It effects how we handle the transition, from both sides.

This might be a year where you are called to spend more time working with the recent dead.  You may find yourself helping those who have passed who are lost or confused, or angry, at how things unfolded.  You may be helping console the living, who have lost people, or who are struggling with their own fears about death and what may still be coming. 

And as dark as it may feel, this is the time to really tend to these parts of the cycle.  It is the time to sit with our feelings and to work through the issues that come up.  Know that it might take more time this year, it may bring up more reactions, things you didn't even realize were lurking below the surface.  But by taking care in exploring what is there, we can help everyone to adjust and be where they need to be...wherever that is.

Celebrating Darkness

 

For a great many Pagans and Witches, darkness is a part of our path.  We work with our shadows instead of running from them.  We understand that both dark and light are a part of the world, and that each is necessary in it's own way.

But I think that we often try to translate darkness into something that is actually light.  We talk about shadow work, but what many people are doing is actually trying to find the light source behind the shadows.  If we are working with our rage, we aren't trying to actually tap into the rage, but rather to temper it...to harness it to our needs.  I think that something both primal and powerful is lost when we try to overcome every dark impulse and tame that wildness inside of us.

Of course, this doesn't mean you can't work to improve yourself.  It is possible to get swallowed up and consumed by the dark (or the light...), and that isn't a desirable thing.  If we look to nature, night time is followed by the day, and then returns to night.  Each thing has it's time, and it doesn't seek to take over.  Instead, when something's time has come to a close, it recedes and allows another thing to take precedence, knowing that things will cycle back around again.

I think that looking at our darkness in this way helps us to embrace what it has to offer, without trying to put a muzzle on it.  Take rage as an example again.  We don't want to live our lives in a perpetual state of rage.  That would definitely be counter-productive.  However, when we find ourselves in an extreme situation, we need that extreme reaction.  If we are fighting for our life, rage will fuel us in a way that nothing else will.  It will keep us distant from our pain, from reason and from any number of other things that would weaken our arm and our focus.  Rage narrows our vision until we can only see what our goal is and where we aren't thinking about how much it will cost us to reach it.

Rage, like many of our darker parts, isn't something that works in every situation.  In fact, it is quite detrimental for most circumstances.  And just as the night must give way to day, when we call on our rage, we need to be ready to let it subside, once it has done it's work.  Part of accepting and embracing our darkness is also knowing that there will be a cost to pay, and being willing to pay it.  We call on rage with the full knowledge that we will have to clean up after it, but we also call on it because we know that we may not make it to the other side without it.

And I think that is where the celebration comes in.  By fully accepting both the good and the bad of our shadows, we can embrace them in their entirety.  It's like loving a person...you can't truly love them if you don't acknowledge and accept their flaws as well as their strengths.  You have to be willing to give and not just take.  Our shadows are always going to have an edge to them, and if we blunt that edge, they become less powerful, less able to actually help us when we need them.

One more thing to think about, when contemplating the darkness in your self and your life.  Many people want to be the candle that lights the dark, and there can be great value in keeping that light lit when things seem most grim.  But we also must remember that it is often darkest before the dawn, and sometimes when we are surrounded by darkness, we need to lean into it, instead of trying to banish it.  Lighting a match in the pitch darkness can actually cause more harm than help sometimes.  The light is tiny and fleeting, but it blinds us in the moment.  It distracts us from what our other senses are telling us, and it tricks us into thinking that we are safe and secure.  

A lot of people will try to say that you must 'be better than your opponent,' and when they fight dirty you must keep your honor and act in lawful and honest ways.  And often this is great advice, but there reaches a point where keeping your nose clean simply means you are letting them walk all over you.  We must each learn to judge when it is time to call on our darkness, when we must embrace those untamed parts of ourselves, and when we must fight fire with fire.

Learning to accept and celebrate your darkness means fully coming to terms with both edges of that sword.  It is stepping into that unknown but being willing to pay whatever price is asked of you.  It is letting go of your control and allowing those parts of yourself that don't listen to reason to be in charge for a bit.  And it is remembering that both the dark and light are a part of you, and both deserve to be honored.

The two sides of a mask

 Masks are a part of many magical practices, especially at this time of the year.  We often talk about masks as taking on another face, stepping into another role, projecting a different part of ourselves, and all of those are variations on using the mask to hide what is underneath.  We take an image of what we want to be seen and use that to cover up what we want to hide.

But this year, the necessity of mask wearing has shown us the flip side to wearing a mask...and that is protecting those around you from what's behind the mask.  Of course we can look at this from a medical and scientific viewpoint, and the mask (when worn correctly) will keep our own germs from spreading to others, but we can also look at the other ways we wear masks and how we do it to protect those around us.

Our society pretends to value truth, but we often punish people for sharing it.  And there are private, personal things that don't need to be out there for everyone to see.  Sometimes, we put on masks to spare the people around us from seeing all of our internal struggles.

Think about the fairly benign question of, "How are you?"  Now, this is such a simple question, but it's also a loaded question.  Most of us have been conditioned to answer automatically, we say we're fine, no matter how we are feeling.  But this can end up being like a poison, a wound that never sees fresh air and begins to fester.  Sometimes we need to share our pain, so that it can be acknowledged and treated.

Like many things, there is a time and place for this.  We don't dump our deepest hurts on the stranger we pass on the street, even when they ask how we are doing, because it's not appropriate.  And likewise, sometimes we can feel that a good friend who is asking may not be able to handle what we have to say.  It might be something that they are still struggling with themselves, or it may be that they are simply close to being overwhelmed.  We mask away our problems until we find someone who is in a place to be able to help us.

In a similar vein, we often mask certain things away from children.  When we are younger, we aren't as capable of understanding the deeper complexities of a situation.  They latch onto the basic concept that something is wrong and that it is bad.  They don't always understand that things will get better or that maybe work has to be done to change things.  All they see is that things are either good or bad.  And so we put on a mask, we put on a happy face, and we keep some of the struggles from them, so they don't get overwhelmed by their fears or sadness.

And sometimes we find we have to put on our masks and keep our true feelings hidden, because we value maintaining professional or social relationships.  These kinds of things are always a balance between being true to yourself and not provoking people you might need to be around.  If you think about a professional situation, you won't always be best friends with the people you have to work with.  But, just because you don't care for someone on a personal level, doesn't mean you can't work side by side with them.  They might have small habits or preferences that rub you the wrong way, but you know that if you bring them up, it will disturb your dynamic.

Especially when the person is in a position of power over you, keeping your mask on, hiding your true thoughts, can be the best way to survive the situation.  We often think of this as a little white lie, of obscuring the truth.  We are hiding, but we are hiding to maintain the peace instead of creating more drama.

The great thing about thinking of our masks in this way is that we always have the option of removing the mask.  Even though we might be okay overlooking small things, if someone starts pushing or trying to abuse the situation, we aren't powerless.  We can remove the mask and let them see who they are truly dealing with.

Whether we are using a mask to strengthen ourselves or protect others, putting on a mask lets us control how our interactions go.  We can decide what masks we want to wear and for what reasons.  And when it is safe, or when we decide it's necessary...we can remove them.

Reflection over time

 When powerful things happen in our lives, we may have trouble processing them immediately.  We often turn to journaling or other inner work to sort out how we fall and how to respond.  It can be especially challenging when something is ongoing, or so big that we can't take it all in at once.

I feel like we are at a place in time where there is just too much going on.  Some things are lingering, while other things are popping up and just adding to the whole situation.  We have both internal and external factors we have to consider.  And even if we sit down and spend some time to work through what's going on, in a short while more things will add in and it feels like we just can't get a grasp again.

Inner work isn't always a one and one.  Sometimes, we need to come back to something and work on it over and over.  This isn't a bad thing!  Just because you have worked on something in the past doesn't mean it will stop effecting you.  Revisiting your reflections gives you a little space, some distance between you and the issue you are reflecting on.  And sometimes you have to let those thoughts and reactions sit, in order to really understand what's going on.

I often find that, when something is really big, I have to get my emotions out of the way before I can even think about actually thinking about the issue itself.  If I journal things out in the moment, I'll get those emotions out on the page.  Putting them on the page makes me feel like I have expressed myself, which allows me to let go of them....at least a little bit.  But it doesn't mean that I have actually peeked at the things behind those emotions.

 

When I go back, I can read what I wrote and actually start thinking about what it means and why I wrote it.  I start to peel back the layers, and see what's underneath.  But this is often a process, a cycle of reflecting to old reflections, letting them sit, and then coming back and doing it all over again.

 

But like the wheel of the year, the cycle of reflection is not a circle, it's a spiral.  You keep coming back around, but each time you are building on what you did before, so you are at a new beginning.  You have those previous cycles to look back on, to draw insight and meaning from.

 

And here's where it gets really interesting.  A lot of times, we can't see certain things until we recognize the patterns that are going on.  We have to see things come up time and time again so we can start to link them together and notice what the common threads are.  An incident on it's own may not mean anything, but when we notice we have the same reaction to three or four different circumstances, we can start to see what is the same...and what is different.  Perhaps we were able to handle the situation better once time than the others.  When we go back and look at all the cycles, we can see what was different about that one time.   

With ongoing situations, we also start to see the effects of longevity.  Something that might be exciting when it happens once, starts to become repetitive after a month, and something we come to dread after six months.  And we may catch ourselves thinking back and wondering when things changed.  Even if we didn't delve into how things were effecting us along the way, it is never to late to look back and start unraveling how our relationship with events has changed.

Now, more than ever, I think it's important to regularly take time to stop and reflect on how different areas of our lives are doing.  It is really easy for things to slide into dark places, often without us really being aware of how they have shifted.  But if we stop, check in, and really take the time to evaluate how our life is, we can correct issues before they become too big and need to be broken down.

This is one thing that I have learned from working with goal-oriented planners.  They often have pages for reflection at the end of the month or quarter.  The nice thing about these pages is that they have specific questions for you to answer, so it's not just a blank page staring at you.  Of course, there are many different reflection prompts you can find online (or you can create your own!) that help you tune into different aspects of your life and see how you are doing.

Finding the right frequency for regular reflection is another thing to consider.  I've found that weekly is almost too frequent for me.  Monthly feels like a good amount of time, as quarterly is a bit long.  In the coming year, as I am going back to a personal bullet journal inspired system, I may go with Sabbat reflections, or I may tie them into the moon cycle (or I may do both, using the moon cycle for my daily life and the Sabbat cycle for the big spiritual growth reflections).

But no matter how often works for you, or what style of check-in you do, cyclical reflections can help us gain the needed perspective to start to see the patterns and catch problems before they become huge issues.  We can learn our own warning signs, and start to find ways to self-correct before we are drowning.  And we can better understand our place in the world around us, no matter what is going on.

Fate or Fix?

When it comes to magic and ethics, there is a big debate on what we have a right to do, as witches and Pagans.  Do we have the right to use magic that will effect people without their permission?  Do we have a right to try to effect the world in general, things like climate or weather?  Are things that are happening happening for a reason?

I definitely feel that modern practitioners have more worries about these kind of things than our ancestors would have.  Which is sort of amusing to me, as we are less likely to think that certain events (like a big storm, or an animal stampede) are directly caused by the gods and more likely to look for scientific or natural explanations.  Even when we work with nature deities, we don't tend to think in terms of "Gaia made the snowstorm happen, it must be her will!"  And yet, our ancestors definitely worked magic to fight back against the things that they felt the gods were inflicting on them.

Regular and rituals might be made to appease the gods and keep things flowing normally, but when things got out of wack, that meant it was time to work more, not work less.  I feel like we've lost a bit of this, caught up in our thoughts on whether or not we 'should' be influencing things.

 

Now, my personal opinion is pretty much always, "Yes, we should work towards what we want."  And this includes when our work directly pushes back against other people (and their free will).  Because I believe we all have the right to work for what we want and believe in.  And I fully support the right of people who believe in the exact opposite to work for what they believe in.

 

In fact, that is part of what I think the problem is.  The less than ethical people in the world will use everything in their power to make sure that what they want to happen...happens.  That includes very shady if not down right wrong actions.  They will lie, cheat, steal, bribe, and yes, even kill to get their way.  If we decide that pushing back is somehow infringing on their freedoms and rights, then we are giving away our power.

 

Now, I am not suggesting we start going out and doing the same kinds of things they are...because of course if you fight evil with evil...well then everyone's evil.  We all have to decide what we are and are not willing to do for what we believe in.

But there are many ways to approach a problem, and with a bit of creativity you can use beneficial means to handle less than savory people.  The wonderful thing is that there is a wide variety of practitioners out there, and so we can all do what we feel comfortable with and that creates a very big push against the things in this world that we find unbearable.  Whether that means a curse, a binding or a blessing, it is all work being done to correct a bad situation.

And I know that the question that is often asked is, "What gives ME the right to pass judgement on other people?"  But that is something we do, all day long, every day.  If someone cuts me off on the road, I judge them.  If I see someone stealing at the grocery store, I judge them.  If I see someone punching another person, I judge them.  In all of those situations, I might also take action against them.  Whether it is just honking my horn or actually wading into a fist fight, I have decided that I want the other person to know that I don't agree with what they are doing.

I don't think we can continue to sit idly by.  I think we are waking up to the notion that the evils of the world are going to continue unless we start fighting back.  I think that we have come to the slow, creeping realization that we have watched things get bad for a while, that we have 'minded our own business' and now the people in power have amassed SO much power it is going to be a fight to get things back to acceptable.

And we are seeing examples in the physical world of this very exact thing.  People have been keeping their eyes down and ignoring the small signs and slights for ages.  They have been repeating the mantra of "it's not happening to me, I need to mind my own business," and they have been turning a deaf ear to the cries of the victims.  But they are starting to find those cries deafening, and realizing that it is their business and it does effect them.  And even if it doesn't effect them directly, it hurts the people around them, and that hurts them indirectly.

I don't believe in fate or that we should simply accept what is thrown our way.  I believe we are given tools and our free will so that we can fight for what is important to us.  So that we can fight for what we believe in.  And I think that we need to wake up and realize that we can't wait for the fight to reach us...we need to look for all the small ways that our enemies are getting those little toe holds and roots sunk into the ground.  Because if we wait, they will have built this foundation that we will then have to breach.  We need to stop letting the little things slide, because that is how avalanches start, and it is much easier to stop a small pebble from rolling down a hill than it is to survive a ton of falling rocks.